Coffee Talk #65: I Hate Luke Wilson’s AT&T Commercials

Welcome to Coffee Talk! Let’s start off the day by discussing whatever is on your (nerd chic) mind. Every morning I’ll kick off a discussion and I’m counting on you to participate in it. If you’re not feelin’ my topic, feel free to start a chat with your fellow readers and see where it takes you. Whether you’re talking about videogames, the curse of the Los Angeles Clippers, what the hell was inside Chewbacca’s bandolier, or what you can do to help out Haiti, Coffee Talk is the place to do it.

I’m tired of seeing Luke Wilson in those crappy AT&T commercials. Most of you know that I detest AT&T Wireless. Seeing Wilson in commercials for the company makes me think less of him. He’s annoying. The message he’s conveying isn’t accurate. And most importantly, his nose isn’t nearly as funny as his brother’s. Having said that, the commercials did get me thinking about the features AT&T users like to boast about and how little they matter to me.

The first one is the ability to talk and web surf at the same time. Due to the limitations of CDMA, this can’t be done on Sprint and Verizon. My phone is capable of this feature and I’ve never used it. Perhaps it’s my inability to multitask or maybe I’m being overly courteous (it’s rude to web browse while talking to someone!), but I really don’t care about this feature. The only time I can see it being handy is when talking to a friend and using Google Maps to help him or her with directions.

Iphone users love to talk about how multitouch is a huge feature that makes their phone superior to anything in the known universe. Again, I just don’t care. Pinch-to-zoom isn’t that useful to me. I’m perfectly happy to scroll to the area I want to see and double tap. Maybe, I’m just weird with how I use my (Sim-less) iPhone, but that’s how it is. One area where multitouch clearly helps is with the virtual keyboard, but I really rather have a physical keyboard so this isn’t a big deal to me.

I know a lot of people will disagree with me on the usefulness of the two aforementioned features, but I wanted to see if they’re important to you. Also, I wanted to see if you also think Luke Wilson is the inferior Wilson brother. Discuss!

Conan O’Brien Making the Most of NBC Being Pricks

You have to love Conan O’Brien. Even though he’s getting the shaft from NBC and Jay Leno, he’s using the situation to entertain his fans. After joking that he was preparing for a career as a barista, O’Brien said:

Hosting The Tonight Show has been the fulfillment of a lifelong dream for me and I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too.

It’s funny and biting at the same time — brilliant stuff! Go #teamconan!!!

Theme Song of 2010: “Pants on the Ground”

Ladies and gentlemen, last night on American Idol, General Larry Platt unleashed what could go down in history as the song of the decade: “Pants on the Ground”. At the very least, it should be the theme song of 2010. What better way to start of a new decade than with your pants on the ground? Right?!?

Give it a listen and let me know what you think (please)!

New Final Fantasy XIII Trailer with English Voice Actors!

This excellent Final Fantasy XIII trailer features oodles of cutscenes with the English voice actors. Towards the end there’s more gameplay footage. Leona Lewis “My Hands” can be heard throughout the clip. It’s awesome. Watch it!!!

(Not a) Review of Dragon Age: Origins Return to Ostagar DLC

[Update 7:52PM PT: The DLC has been pulled because of a bug in the title update.]

Warning: This (not a) review of Dragon Age: Origins Return to Ostagar contains spoilers. Read it at your own peril. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to it! Return to Ostagar is BioWare’s first bit of Dragon Age: Origins downloadable content since launch. It’s currently available on Xbox 360 for 400 Microsoft points, with PC and PlayStation 3 versions hitting later this month. The DLC lets you revisit Ostagar, the location of the game’s first major (and tragic) battle. Here are some observations and opinions (not a review!) on the DLC.

In terms of gameplay, you’re getting less than an hour per run. Most of you will be able to finish the whole thing in less than 45 minutes. It can take a little over an hour if you like to explore every nook and cranny of each area (or if you suck at games).

As I mentioned in the intro, you get to return to a war-torn version of Ostagar, where King Cailan and the Grey Wardens were slaughtered by the darkspawn. The setup is hackneyed, but it gets you to where you’re supposed to go and gives you a goal. As you progress, you see some flashbacks, learn more about Cailan’s dealings, and retrieve the dead king’s weapon and armor. While I had fun in my two runs, most of these features were mildly disappointing. Here’s why:

  • Cailan’s Gear Sucks — If you’re playing this after you’ve beaten the game, chances are you have the blood dragon armor and Starfang. They make Cailan’s armor and King Maric’s sword look wimpy. I suppose you could use them for your secondary warrior, but if you’re playing the game with two warriors then you’re doing it wrong.
  • Depth by Codex — You uncover a set of documents that detail Cailan’s dealings with the Orlesians. They’re interesting and they add intrigue. Unfortunately, it’s all text. I could have gotten the same information and entertainment via email. In fact, if you know someone that loves Dragon Age but is short of cash then you should transcribe these codex entries and send them to your pal via email. That would be a thoughtful gift. And also, Arl Eamon is a dick (another *spoiler*!!!).
  • Sexy Time — Finding Cailan’s corpse leads to a pretty powerful scene, particularly if Alistair is in your party (more on that later). However, the music used in the flashback sounds too similar to the love-making music in the game. Using a similar melody for mourning and sexy time is just…creepy.

The good news is that there are some other items you come across that are pretty cool. Here are some of my favorites:

  • Nug Crusher — This hammer has a cool +100 stamina bonus.
  • Repeater Gloves — A nice set of gloves for ranged combatants.
  • Duncan’s Sword and Dagger — As shown in the trailer, you get to tackle the ogre that offed Cailan and apparently (*wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*) killed Duncan. These weapons are much better than the crap that Cailan had…which leads to a few interesting questions. What was up with Cailan’s weaponsmith and armorer? Did he just suck? Why didn’t Cailan pay Wade a ton of money to make better gear? As Will Ferrell said in Blades of Glory, “It’s mind bottling.”

For the record, I played through the DLC twice. The first time I was accompanied by Alistair, Leliana, and Wynne. This is definitely the way to go. The dialogue between Alistair and Wynne is great, particularly a sexually charged (and gross) bit at the end. My second run was with Oghren, Shale, and Morrigan. Oghren had a few lines, but they didn’t really add anything. The other two characters were mostly silent. I was especially disappointed that Shale didn’t have more to say. [Edit: Just finished a third run with Wynne and “secret character”. Their conversations are also excellent.]

For $5, Return to Ostagar is a pretty poor value. BioWare’s launch DLC offered important features that you could enjoy throughout the entire game. The Stone Prisoner gives you Shale, arguably the most entertaining companion in the game, as well as a versatile warrior. Warden’s Keep gives you an amazingly useful storage chest and access to the best sword in the game. Return to Ostagar has its share of goodies, but nothing nearly as useful or entertaining.

Perhaps people that are still in the middle of their first run or those starting the game for the first time will get more out of Return to Ostagar. While I definitely enjoyed my time with the DLC and will surely play it again, I can’t say it’s a “must buy”. Less than an hour of gameplay and gear that’s only above average for $5? If you really love the game and/or BioWare then knock yourself out. Otherwise, give it some thought before you drop your dough.

Dragon Age: Origins Return to Ostagar DLC Available for Xbox 360

The Return to Ostagar DLC for the excellent Dragon Age: Origins is now available for Xbox Live for 400 Microsoft Points! I just downloaded the 134.11MB content and will start playing as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I have a really cool interview at noon on a product I recently wrote about, but expect a (not a) review by tomorrow at the latest.

Pre-Order God of War III at 7-Eleven and Get a Cool Poster

Sony Computer Entertainment of America has announced God of War III pre-order promotion in conjunction with 7-Eleven. If you pre-order the game in the land of Big Gulps and Slurpees, you’ll get a nifty God of War III poster (pictured above).

It’s a nice promotion, but it got me wondering about the viability of 7-Eleven as a game retailer. I’ve never gone to the store for anything but unhealthy snacks. How about you? Have any of you purchased games at 7-Eleven?

Source

In Search of a Nerd/Gadget Bandolier

As a frequent flyer, I’ve always wanted a nerd bandolier to hold my BlackBerry, (Sim-less) iPhone, Nintendo DS, PlayStation Portable, and digital camera. It would make organization and security lines so much easier. For the former, I’d have easy access to my gadgets on the airplane. For the latter, I’d just take off my bandolier, put it on the screening belt, and sling it back on after it’s scanned. Plus, it would make me look like a geeky version of Chewbacca.

A friend of mine that’s familiar with my vision pointed me to Setgo’s Transport. This is almost what I want. It doesn’t look quite as cool as Chewbacca’s trusty strap, but it will get the job done. Perhaps I’ll give it a go on my next international flight. For the record, I would only use this for travel. Wearing this on a subway, bus, or crowded urban area would be foolish. You might as well wear a sign that says, “Mug Me!!!”

If any of you know of a nerd bandolier, please let me know!

Netflix Coming to Wii in Spring 2010

Nintendo has announced that the Netflix movie service will be available for its Wii console this spring. Already available on the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 systems, the streaming movie service has been one of the most popular non-gaming features on consoles. Now it will be available on the most popular console in the world. Today’s press release stated:

Netflix is scheduled to go live on the Wii console this spring in the United States at no additional cost to Netflix members who have a plan starting at $8.99 a month, a Wii console and a broadband Internet connection.

I’m curious to see how Netflix will do on the Wii. Obviously the installed base is enormous, but I wonder how many casual gamers even have their systems connected to the Internet. For enthusiasts gamers that have multiple consoles, there’s no reason to use the service on the visually challenged (but environmentally friendly *snicker*) console; they’d be better of using the PS3 or Xbox 360 for a superior image. I’m sure Netflix will do well on the system, but I’m not sure how well.

Any thoughts on the matter?