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On Valentine’s Day, I was having a fun drunken conversation about bands and musical artists that you wished were erased from existence. A lot of the candidates brought up were whiny male singer/songwriters. For some reason, on this day of love there was a lot of hate for Jason Mraz. Partially for his music and partially for being a man-whore, John Mayer was brought up a lot. I actually don’t mind either of those guys. “I’m Yours” is a cute and catchy song, while I totally admire Mayer’s man-whore prowess. My choice for the band that I wished were erased from existence was easy: Ace of Base.
I love Sweden. It’s a beautiful country that has produced many fine things. The number of gorgeous Swedish models is mind boggling. The country birthed three of my favorite tennis players of all time: Bjorn Borg, Mats Wilander, and Stefan Edberg. Ikea has furnished the homes of many young people that can’t afford “real” furniture. I’ve always loved the look and quality of Volvo automobiles. One of the best times of my life was hanging out in Oslo with clients, sledding down a short hill that ended in a hot spring. With all of that in mind, it’s disheartening that such a wonderful country — one that gave us the glorious Abba! — produced a band that scores millions of nightmares.
I hate everything about Ace of Base. The music is grating. The image is artificial. “All That She Wants” and “The Sign” are rumored to be used in Guantanamo Bay torture sessions. If I had the power of time travel, one of the first things I would do is prevent the formation of this horrendous band. I’m certain that it would snag me a Novel Peace Prize.
How about you? If you could eradicate one band or musical act from the face of existence, who would it be and why?