Writers Guild of America Videogame Nominees are a Sham

The Writers Guild of America has announced its nominees for best videogame writing…and in a travesty, WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2010 was not nominated. This is complete f*$&ing b*llsh*t. While the five nominees feature some superb writing, Smackdown vs. Raw 2010 clearly belongs in the mix. This is a crime against videogames and America. Let me calm down a bit and give you the five nominees:

  • Assassin’s Creed II
  • Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
  • Uncharted 2: Among Thieves
  • Wet
  • X-Men Origins: Wolverine

I urge you to contact the Writers Guild of America to complain about this criminal ommission.

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(Not a) Review of Dragon Age: Origins Return to Ostagar DLC

[Update 7:52PM PT: The DLC has been pulled because of a bug in the title update.]

Warning: This (not a) review of Dragon Age: Origins Return to Ostagar contains spoilers. Read it at your own peril. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to it! Return to Ostagar is BioWare’s first bit of Dragon Age: Origins downloadable content since launch. It’s currently available on Xbox 360 for 400 Microsoft points, with PC and PlayStation 3 versions hitting later this month. The DLC lets you revisit Ostagar, the location of the game’s first major (and tragic) battle. Here are some observations and opinions (not a review!) on the DLC.

In terms of gameplay, you’re getting less than an hour per run. Most of you will be able to finish the whole thing in less than 45 minutes. It can take a little over an hour if you like to explore every nook and cranny of each area (or if you suck at games).

As I mentioned in the intro, you get to return to a war-torn version of Ostagar, where King Cailan and the Grey Wardens were slaughtered by the darkspawn. The setup is hackneyed, but it gets you to where you’re supposed to go and gives you a goal. As you progress, you see some flashbacks, learn more about Cailan’s dealings, and retrieve the dead king’s weapon and armor. While I had fun in my two runs, most of these features were mildly disappointing. Here’s why:

  • Cailan’s Gear Sucks — If you’re playing this after you’ve beaten the game, chances are you have the blood dragon armor and Starfang. They make Cailan’s armor and King Maric’s sword look wimpy. I suppose you could use them for your secondary warrior, but if you’re playing the game with two warriors then you’re doing it wrong.
  • Depth by Codex — You uncover a set of documents that detail Cailan’s dealings with the Orlesians. They’re interesting and they add intrigue. Unfortunately, it’s all text. I could have gotten the same information and entertainment via email. In fact, if you know someone that loves Dragon Age but is short of cash then you should transcribe these codex entries and send them to your pal via email. That would be a thoughtful gift. And also, Arl Eamon is a dick (another *spoiler*!!!).
  • Sexy Time — Finding Cailan’s corpse leads to a pretty powerful scene, particularly if Alistair is in your party (more on that later). However, the music used in the flashback sounds too similar to the love-making music in the game. Using a similar melody for mourning and sexy time is just…creepy.

The good news is that there are some other items you come across that are pretty cool. Here are some of my favorites:

  • Nug Crusher — This hammer has a cool +100 stamina bonus.
  • Repeater Gloves — A nice set of gloves for ranged combatants.
  • Duncan’s Sword and Dagger — As shown in the trailer, you get to tackle the ogre that offed Cailan and apparently (*wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*) killed Duncan. These weapons are much better than the crap that Cailan had…which leads to a few interesting questions. What was up with Cailan’s weaponsmith and armorer? Did he just suck? Why didn’t Cailan pay Wade a ton of money to make better gear? As Will Ferrell said in Blades of Glory, “It’s mind bottling.”

For the record, I played through the DLC twice. The first time I was accompanied by Alistair, Leliana, and Wynne. This is definitely the way to go. The dialogue between Alistair and Wynne is great, particularly a sexually charged (and gross) bit at the end. My second run was with Oghren, Shale, and Morrigan. Oghren had a few lines, but they didn’t really add anything. The other two characters were mostly silent. I was especially disappointed that Shale didn’t have more to say. [Edit: Just finished a third run with Wynne and “secret character”. Their conversations are also excellent.]

For $5, Return to Ostagar is a pretty poor value. BioWare’s launch DLC offered important features that you could enjoy throughout the entire game. The Stone Prisoner gives you Shale, arguably the most entertaining companion in the game, as well as a versatile warrior. Warden’s Keep gives you an amazingly useful storage chest and access to the best sword in the game. Return to Ostagar has its share of goodies, but nothing nearly as useful or entertaining.

Perhaps people that are still in the middle of their first run or those starting the game for the first time will get more out of Return to Ostagar. While I definitely enjoyed my time with the DLC and will surely play it again, I can’t say it’s a “must buy”. Less than an hour of gameplay and gear that’s only above average for $5? If you really love the game and/or BioWare then knock yourself out. Otherwise, give it some thought before you drop your dough.

Coffee Talk #64: The Great Box Art Controversy

Welcome to Coffee Talk! Let’s start off the day by discussing whatever is on your (nerd chic) mind. Every morning I’ll kick off a discussion and I’m counting on you to participate in it. If you’re not feelin’ my topic, feel free to start a chat with your fellow readers and see where it takes you. Whether you’re talking about videogames, Lane Kiffin jumping from Tennessee to USC, Conan O’Brien vs. Jay Leno, or what Jose Canseco injected into you, Coffee Talk is the place to do it.

The box art for Heavy Rain has been getting a lot of criticism from American enthusiast gamers. A lot of of them feel that the European version is vastly superior and Americans are getting the shaft by out-of-touch marketers. Personally, I like both boxes and don’t see what the big deal is, but I’m reminded of a situation where I did care: Ico.

The American box art for Ico sucked and I was jealous that gamers around the world had a prettier version. It’s a bit irrational, for sure. The game wasn’t any better or worse because of the box. Sony certainly didn’t care if the box made its customers happy since they already bought the game. The majority of gamers didn’t care or didn’t know that there was better box art in other lands. All that said, for a small group of people this was a huge deal. In retrospect, I’m not even sure why the whole thing bothered me so much. Capricious youth?

Today I wanted to see how you felt about box art for games. Does your blood boil when cooler art is available in Europe or Japan? Or do you not care at all?

Coffee Talk #62: The Videogame Movie of Your Dreams

Welcome to Coffee Talk! Let’s start off the day by discussing whatever is on your (nerd chic) mind. Every morning I’ll kick off a discussion and I’m counting on you to participate in it. If you’re not feelin’ my topic, feel free to start a chat with your fellow readers and see where it takes you. Whether you’re talking about videogames, those amazing Cardinals, Manny Pacquiao vs. Joshua Clottey at Cowboys Stadium, or your favorite CES 2010 gadget, Coffee Talk is the place to do it.

Videogame movies…so many of them are embarrassing. Whether you’re talking about Uwe Boll’s numerous offenses, Raul Julia going out with a psycho crusher in Street Fighter, or Dead or Alive sucking despite having some truly beautiful women running around half-naked for 90 minutes, movies based on videogames haven’t been the best.

Some gamers don’t see the point. Games are a form of interactive storytelling, so why do they need a linear and traditional way to tell a story? Doesn’t that take away the uniqueness of the medium? I’m all for videogame movies, just like I support videogame books, comics, lunch boxes, etc. If it helps expand the world of a game I enjoy and expand the business in general, that’s a good thing. Unfortunately, the execution if often…off.

Today I wanted to ask you about the videogame movie that’s playing in your head. What gaming franchise to you want to see on the big screen? Do you have any actors or actresses you want to attach to your dream project? Kindly channel your inner director and tell me all about the videogame movie you want (please)!

Ron Jeremy Says Videogames are Worse Than Porn for Kids

Speaking at “The Great Porn Debate” panel at CES 2010, sponsored by InternetSafety.com, adult actor Ron Jeremy said that videogames are worse for children than porn. The man known as The Hedgehog declared:

We don’t want kids to watch porn. [Studies have] found that violent video games are much bigger a negative influence on kids.

Connoisseurs of adult movies might remember that Jeremy starred in a Super Mario Bros. parody called Super Hornio Brothers. (Would that make this a case of biting the schlong that feeds you?) While it’s annoying that another public figure is denouncing videogames, Jeremy’s comments will be unfairly dismissed simply because of his profession.

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Coffee Talk #61: Most Wanted Games of 2010 #1 Heavy Rain

Welcome to Coffee Talk! Let’s start off the day by discussing whatever is on your (nerd chic) mind. Every morning I’ll kick off a discussion and I’m counting on you to participate in it. If you’re not feelin’ my topic, feel free to start a chat with your fellow readers and see where it takes you. Whether you’re talking about videogames, whether the Palm Pre can make it big in 2010, all these people from Alabama finally leaving LA, or Gilbert Arenas vs. Plaxico Burress in a shooting contest, Coffee Talk is the place to do it.

A lot of people would have figured that Final Fantasy XIII would have been my most-wanted game of 2010. That would have been a perfectly reasonable guess and I was definitely tempted to give it the top spot. To be totally honest, I actually want Quantic Dream’s Heavy Rain more than FFXIII.

I’m a big fan of Quantic Dream’s previous games. The company excels at interactive storytelling. Its last game, Indigo Prophecy, was brilliant. The game combined deep storytelling, outstanding acting, and fantastic music to create a unique mood. The downer was it was ugly as crap, looking like a game from the previous generation. Judging from the released videos and screens, Heavy Rain will not have this problem. I’m hoping that it will combine all the aspects of Quantic Dream’s previous games with bleeding-edge visuals.

Before I ask for your top pick for 2010, I have to note that there were a bunch of games that were so close to making the cut. God of War III, Pokemon Soul Silver (and Heart Gold), Super Street Fighter IV, Mass Effect 2, BioShock 2, 3D Dot Game Heroes, and The Last Guardian were all considered. This year is going to be so awesome for games!!!

Now, what’s your most wanted game of 2010?

Dragon Age: Is Duncan Still Alive? (Plus, a Poll!)

IGN recently conducted a fantastic interview with BioWare online produce Fernando Melo on Dragon Age: Awakenings. Aside from providing outstanding information on the expansion pack, Melo hinted that Duncan, the Grey Warden that recruited your character in Origins, is still alive. Melo said:

We also kind of hinted at it in the trailer — you do run into the actual ogre that killed the king and potentially killed your mentor as well.

Potentially killed, eh? Of course he’s still alive! This is a classic case of “if you didn’t find a corpse, then he’s not dead”. Duncan’s voice actor sounds old and wizened in Origins, but I’ve always thought that he’d make an awesome heel. I can’t wait for his full heel turn where he leads the darkspawn in Dragon Age: Duncan’s Revenge!

Let me know what you think and please leave an answer in this poll.

[poll id=”17″]

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Five Screens from Dragon Age: Awakening Expansion

Here are five screens from the upcoming Dragon Age: Awakening expansion pack. Highlights include a shot of The Architect and a spectral dragon. The new dragon looks totally cool. Based purely on looks, The Architect looks like a tool. There’s nothing menacing about a grinning undead dude. Hopefully his deeds are more dastardly.

Coffee Talk #59: Most Wanted Games of 2010 — #3 SmackDown vs. Raw 2011

Welcome to Coffee Talk! Let’s start off the day by discussing whatever is on your (nerd chic) mind. Every morning I’ll kick off a discussion and I’m counting on you to participate in it. If you’re not feelin’ my topic, feel free to start a chat with your fellow readers and see where it takes you. Whether you’re talking about videogames, The Mets signing Adrian Beltre, mediating Pacquiao/Mayweather, or awesome steak, Coffee Talk is the place to do it.

As I mentioned yesterday, the next three editions of Coffee Talk will have us counting down our most-wanted games of 2010. So let’s get to it! Coming in at #3 on my list is SmackDown vs. Raw 2011. Some of you might remember that SmackDown vs. Raw 2010 was one of my favorite games of 2009. So it should be no surprise that I’m greatly looking forward to this year’s version!

Obviously, the award-winning writing was the best feature of last year’s game. I have a pretty good feeling that this year’s game will feature even better writing. Call it conjecture or a guess, but I’m fairly certain that the writing in SvR 2011 will be awesome. And that’s the bottom line, ’cause R.Pad said so!

Now it’s your turn. What’s #3 on your list? List your game and why you want it (please)!