Internet Nerds Mock Mitt Romney on Amazon

Oh Internet nerds…you make me laugh. Liberals have been mocking Mitt Romney for using the phrase “binders full of women” during last night’s presidential debate. The joking has infiltrated Amazon.com. Check out the reviews for the Avery Durable View Binder with 2 Inch EZ-Turn Ring, White, 1 Binder. Here are some of the recent review titles:

A presidential candidate’s choice is the choice for me

Not as useful as the Trap Her, Keep Her

Mine did not come pre-filled with women

Holds All My Women

Keeps me in line, husband happy!

Here are some choice lines from the reviews:

I have a lot of trouble getting my women into most binders. It would be very helpful if this was bundled together with a heavy duty three hole punch.

Don’t get me wrong, when I was given this binder, it was chock full of women. I mean, I went out of my way to get people to bring this binder to me. However, after I was given this one binder, suddenly a second binder plopped on top of it. Now I had binders full of women. And with an EZ-Turn Ring, I could take women in and out of these binders. The color of this binder, white, is perfect, by the by. Gosh, I can’t imagine any other color my binders full of women might come in.

My grandfather ran businesses, and his father before him. We used to keep women in loose leaf folders.

Family harmony was threatened by my general inability to make good judgements and not be able to find Cabinets, so my lovely man thoughtfully bought this binder and he clips me into it whenever things get out of hand. We’re all SO much happier.

When I pile my binders full of women on top of each other, the weight causes the rings to buckle a little bit and misalign and then sometimes my women do get caught on the rings. But we all know how women are, right? Typically heavy and hung up on rings!

This binder has more than enough room to hold all of my women, some of whom cook dinner for me. I wish it came in pink, though.

As a woman, I was disappointed that the “gap-free” claim was in reference to the rings in the binder, not to gender equity in wages. But the trade-off is that the binder did let me leave work in time to go home and cook dinner.

The reviews are piling up. I encourage you to hit up Amazon and give them a read.

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Donald Trump Rips A-Rod a New One

While I respect what Donald Trump has accomplished in business, I don’t think much of him as an entertainer or a politician. That’s why I was surprised to find myself so thoroughly entertained and delighted by his latest tirade — going off on New York Yankees third-baseman Alex Rodriguez. It was…glorious. The Donald told ESPN NY Radio:

I would terminate his contract, personally. I think George would’ve done that. I would terminate his contract on the basis that when he signed, he didn’t say that he took drugs.

Since he signed his contract, they found out that he took drugs. He actually admitted that he took drugs. Now he’s not taking drugs anymore, and without the drugs, he’s a less than average player.

I don’t think he’s an asset, I think he’s a liability to the Yankees They’re paying him $30 million a year, and he strikes out every time he comes up in a playoff game.

I don’t care about the Players’ Association. If somebody misrepresents and they’re paying him $30 million a year…I don’t think he has a clue when he’s standing up at the plate. I’ve never seen anything like it.

That was such an outstanding rant. I’m going read it over and over again throughout the day. It will help dull the pain of the Yankees’ post-season lameness, Derek Jeter’s injury, and the fact that A-Rod’s contract doesn’t expire until 2017.

20-frickin’-17.

Oy.

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Coffee Talk #526: Obama, Romney, and Apple

During last night’s presidential debate, moderator Candy Crowley asked President Barack Obama and challenger Mitt Romney about Apple and outsourcing to China. The end of her question was, “How do you convince a great American company to bring that manufacturing back here?” Unsurprisingly, neither candidate gave an adequate or honest answer to the question. Steve Jobs told the President the deal in early 2011…

Welcome to Coffee Talk! Let’s start off the day by discussing whatever is on your (nerd chic) mind. Every morning I’ll kick off a discussion and I’m counting on you to participate in it. If you’re not feelin’ my topic, feel free to start a chat with your fellow readers and see where it takes you. Whether you’re talking about videogames, the depressing collapse of the NY Yankees, the world being darker because Austin Aries is no longer TNA Champion, or your favorite piece of chicken, Coffee Talk is the place to do it.

During last night’s presidential debate, moderator Candy Crowley asked President Barack Obama and challenger Mitt Romney about Apple and outsourcing to China. The end of her question was, “How do you convince a great American company to bring that manufacturing back here?” Unsurprisingly, neither candidate gave an adequate or honest answer to the question.

Romney talked about China’s currency manipulation, patent stealing, and cheating without offering a cogent solution. Obama was slightly more honest when he said, “There are some jobs that are not going to come back because they are low-wage, low-skill jobs.” The President knows better than this. He knows that the vast majority of those manufacturing jobs are not going to come back. Steve Jobs told him so.

During a high-powered dinner featuring some of the biggest players in Silicon Valley, President Obama asked Steve Jobs what it would take for Apple to bring some of those jobs back to America. The reply was unsurprisingly brusque in that charmingly arrogant Steve Jobs way: “Those jobs aren’t coming back.” I’m sure the President and his staff have explored many ways to entice Apple to bring manufacturing jobs back to the U.S. I’m also sure that they came to the conclusion that the government doesn’t have any realistic way to change the situation in a meaningful way.

As a tech nerd, I’m glad a tech-nerd topic came up in the debates. It’s just disappointing that neither candidate gave an answer that meant anything. Though I suppose that could be said about most of the answers given in all the debates thus far.

Xbox 360 Fall 2012 Dashboard Update Available

Microsoft has started rolling out the Fall 2012 Xbox 360 dashboard update. The revision carries a number of new features. One anticipated feature that won’t be included is SmartGlass integration, which will be available when Windows 8 launches on October 26, 2012. As for what you can experience today, here’s the laundry list from Major Nelson:

Refreshed Xbox 360 Dashboard. We’ve updated the UI with a few things, including an updated layout with more tiles, a combined TV & Movies channel and, in the US, a Sports destination.
Internet Explorer for Xbox. With Internet Explorer on Xbox, you can easily find and view internet content on the biggest screen in the house, including HTML5 videos.
Recommendations and Ratings. Recommendations will allow you to discover new favorites, generated based on a number of variables including the content you previously viewed, what your friends are consuming and what is most relevant and popular with our Xbox community. You can now rate content yourself and also see Rotten Tomatoes ratings.
Pinning. Pinning lets you personalize the dashboard by saving your favorite movies, TV shows, games, music, videos and websites right to the home screen. It’s as easy as opening an app or a favorite movie and clicking “pin.”
Xbox Video. Formerly called Zune Video Marketplace, Xbox Video offers hundreds of thousands of TV shows and movies for buying or renting in instant HD streaming.
Recent. Previously called Quick Play, the Recent view gives you a list of movies, games, apps or other types of content that you most recently accessed on the console.
Enhanced Search. The last Xbox LIVE update brought Bing voice search to Xbox so you could use voice to search for movies, TV shows, actors, directors and artists. This year we added genre search to the list, so now you can search for action, comedy, romance, drama or sci-fi. Bing voice search now includes results for video across the Web, including YouTube.
International Expansion of Voice Search. We’ve expanded our Kinect voice search capabilities to 9 new countries — Canada, France, Germany, Japan, Mexico, Italy, Spain, Austria, and Ireland.

Like you, I’m terribly excited to speak to my Xbox 360 in Canadian, eh?

After you’ve downloaded the update, I’d love to hear your thoughts on it. When you have a chance, please let me know what new features tickle your fancy…and also the ones that tickle the fancy of other people in your household. Personally, I try not to tickle fancies unless…oh never never mind.

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Random Thoughts On Cloud Atlas (Not a Review!)

I’m certain that Cloud Atlas will be one of the most divisive movies of 2012. There are parts of it that are wonderfully written, skillfully acted, deftly directed and beautifully filmed. There are also parts of it that are jarring, confusing, and incongruous. Some people will love its boldness and complexity. Others will find it a sloppy mess. As for me, my head is still spinning five days after watching the movie. After having time to digest it, I still feel that Cloud Atlas was more interesting than good. [Mild spoilers ahead!]

For those of you that don’t know the story behind the movie, Cloud Atlas is based on David Mitchell’s book of the same name. It tells six different stories set in different time periods. The idea is that each character’s soul is reincarnated in a different era. The book tells the story chronologically up until the midpoint. From there, the story flows backwards in time, wrapping up each tale.

The movie eschew’s Mitchell’s structure and hops around time periods several times throughout the movie. Each actor plays multiple roles (reincarnated souls, remember?), sometimes portraying someone of a different race or gender. One of the problems with the film, particularly in the beginning, is that the cuts between eras feel abrupt and jarring. This will baffle some moviegoers, almost as if they have to work in order to figure out what’s going on. Adding to the incongruity is that the six stories were written and directed by two teams. The 19th century tale and the two future stories were handled by Andy and Lana Wachowski (The Matrix), while the other three were handled by Tom Tykwer (Run Lola Run). At times, they blend together smoothly. At times, the cuts will make you feel like you were hit over the head with a cast iron frying pan.

For simplicities sake, I’m going to comment on the six storylines individually.

The Pacific Journal of Adam Ewing: This story is about a naive American notary in the 1850s. He gets shipwrecked on an island, makes a doctor friend, and makes a slave friend. The doctor turns out to be an opportunistic knob, while the slave ends up saving his life. He returns to America vowing not to support slavery.

While the moral is uplifting, this plot was kind of boring and predictable. Watching a guy getting progressively sicker isn’t fun, especially when you know that he’ll eventually get saved by his newfound slave friend.

Letters from Zedelghem: These scenes were much better. The protagonist is a bisexual music composer named Robert Frobisher. While he has been a lowly prostitute, he seeks fame and fortune through music. To achieve his goals, he interns for a famous composer while boning the composer’s wife on the side (free of charge). He composes the hauntingly beautiful “Cloud Atlas Sextet”, but fortune and glory are exchanged for blackmail and shootings. In addition to the movie scenes, the story is told through letters from Frobisher to his love, Rufus Sixsmith. I really enjoyed the blend of drama and romance in this plot.

Half-Lives — The First Luisa Rey Mystery: This was an enjoyable mystery set in ’70s San Francisco. It was intriguing, with a sprinkle of thrills. I enjoyed seeing familiar San Francisco streets and scenes. The story made me wish that I could spend a year in the ’70s; disco, drugs, careless sex, and polyester get a bad rap. Also, Keith David was completely awesome as a ’70s African-American. He was like Shaft’s bad-ass uncle. Halle Berry was a great ’70s hottie too.

The Ghastly Ordeal of Timothy Cavendish: This modern-day story was uneven, but had some enjoyable moments. The main character is a publisher that suddenly has success when his criminal client’s book gets hot after said criminal kills a critic. Unfortunately, the criminal’s pals want a cut of the book’s revenues. The publisher goes on the run, but gets trapped in a nursing home that’s more like a prison. From there, the story becomes a geriatric version of The Great Escape.

Tom Hanks was awesome as a British thug, Hugo Weaving was hilarious as a menacing female nurse, and Jim Broadbent was charming as the lead.

An Orison of Sonmi~451: This was my favorite plot of the movie and a reminder that the Wachowski siblings excel at sci-fi. It takes place in the future, in a utopian city called New Seoul. Regular people are served by genetically cloned “fabricants” that are promised upward mobility if they perform their jobs well. The reality of fabricant life is disturbing.

Of course there are rebels that want to reveal the truth about fabricants. One of the rebels helps a fabricant named Sonmi 451 live a free life and inspire a revolution (that unfortunately leads to the downfall of civilization). This story is full of action scenes and laser beams, but also has romantic and macabre moments. It was the most interesting, complex, and surprising tale of the six.

Sloosha’s Crossin’ an’ Ev’rythin’ After: This story takes place in post-apocalyptic Hawaii. Tom Hanks plays a goat herder living a primitive life with a tribe. Halle Berry is one of the few people left that has ties to technology. Naturally, the tribespeople are plagued by marauding a-holes wearing face paint. After some tribulations, Hanks has to lead Berry up a mountain to reach some forbidden technology. Adventure ensues, villains attack, and truths are revealed.

The weird thing about this storyline is that the apocalyptic event has lead to a devolution of the English language. When I was talking about this plot with my friend Paul, I referred to it as “The Cajun goat herders story.” The English spoken reminded me of Adam Sandler in The Waterboy. Paul mentioned that it reminded him of the way the tribal kids spoke in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome. The wacky dialogue took away from this story. I kept waiting for Bobby Boucher to run in and save Hanks/Berry with a vicious tackle. Also, Halle Berry stole Princess Leia’s white outfit and it miraculously remained clean throughout a treacherous mountain trek.

Individually, I liked or loved most of the stories. In the book they’re tied together organically. For example, Luisa Rey reads Frobisher’s letters to Sixsmith while Sonmi watches a televised dramatization of Cavendish’s adventures. The movie uses these devices too, but doesn’t follow the same order as the book. Instead, they’re interwoven randomly. Some of the individual stories themselves are told in a time-hopping fashion too. It’s confounding because most of the stories are very good on their own, but something is taken away from the manner in which everything is combined.

The transitions between stories — of which there are like 100 — can be disconcerting. The constant time-hopping makes the number of characters hard to keep track of, especially in the beginning. At times, the movie made me feel a bit stupid. Generally speaking, enjoyable entertainment shouldn’t make you feel dumb.

I’m confident that some people and critics will find Cloud Atlas bold and clever. I’m also confident that some people and critics will find it confusing and haphazardly constructed. All of it is true. Cloud Atlas is a bold and clever movie that’s confusing and haphazardly constructed. I enjoyed, but I’m still not sure if what I saw was very good. Like I said in the intro, it was more interesting than good.

Vaping Diaries #2: What’s in E-Liquid/Juice?

One of the most common questions my friends ask when they see me vaping is, “What’s in that?” That’s a great question and a fairly simple one to answer. Unlike tobacco cigarettes, most of which contain hundreds of additives, the ingredients in e-liquid or juice are pretty straightforward. For the most part they all contain distilled water, food flavoring, nicotine (optional), propylene glycol, and vegetable glycerin. Fancier juices may contain natural tobacco extract too. While there are still ongoing studies of the longterm effects of vaping, I personally feel better about smoking a straightforward blend of ingredients instead of hundreds of known carcinogens (that’s not an endorsement though).

However, not all e-liquids are the same. Some vendors sell “Made in China” goods that can be low-quality. In general, I try to stick with reputable vendors that use quality flavorings and pharmaceutical-grade ingredients. Two of my current favorites (that I’ve been leaching from my friend Kim — love you for that!) are Ahlusion and Heather’s Heavenly Vapes. These vendors sell made-to-order blends and I’ve been blown away by the quality.

One thing to keep in mind when ordering made-to-order e-liquids is that you should give them time to steep. Mass mixed juices are ready to go right out of the bottle, but made-to-order juices need some aging. On the advice of friends, I use a simple method. When my e-liquids arrive, I take off the caps and let them air out for two days. Then I close the bottles up and let them sit for an additional 12 days or more. That should take care of most of your made-to-order juices, though ones with tobacco extract could benefit from a bit more steeping time.

The care involved with made-to-order juices appeals to the nerd in me (which technically is all of me). It’s fun to experiment with different levels of propylene glycol (more throat hit) and vegetable glycerin (more vapor). It’s fun trying different flavors, whether it’s varieties of tobacco, desserts, and beverages. When you find the right blend for the right flavor, it’s a kind of magic. Like I said in Coffee Talk #525, these aspects of vaping are one reason that tech nerds are flocking to the hobby.

If you have any questions about e-liquid, just let me know!

This Week’s Videogame Releases

It’s a pretty solid week for new games. Leading the way is Doom III BFG, edition. If you don’t know much about this rerelease then be sure to watch Justin’s interview above. James Bond fans will want to get ready for the upcoming Skyfall with 007 Legends. Any Vita owners out there looking for Halloween frights? If so then Silent Hill: Book of Memories will scare you good. Looking for a quirky Japanese RPG with a distinct art style? Mugen Souls is just what the doctor ordered. Lastly, if you’re a PlayStation Plus member then be sure to take advantage of early access to The Unfinished Swan. It’s such a beautiful and unique game.

Any of you picking up new games this week?

Saturday Night Live Mocks iPhone 5, Tech Journalists

I absolutely loved the “Tech Talk” sketch on last week’s Saturday Night Live. Check out the clip below to see Christina Applegate and the SNL crew poke fun at the iPhone 5’s “problems”, tech journalists, and Chinese factory workers. While I’m sure the show is going to get some heat for its portrayal of Chinese people, it deserves an Emmy for its incredibly accurate depiction of tech journalists when they’re on camera. Everything was spot on — the dorky looks, the nerdy mannerisms, and warbled voices. It totally killed me! Continue reading “Saturday Night Live Mocks iPhone 5, Tech Journalists”

Brian May Talks Sacha Baron Cohen, Queen Movie

Remember that Queen movie starring Sacha Baron Cohen I wrote about way back in September 2010? Apparently it’s on track for a 2014 release. Here’s what legendary Queen guitarist Brian May told Fact:

Filming is now scheduled to start in the Spring, with Sacha Baron Cohen playing Freddie. The film should be ready for release early in 2014.

Being in Queen is — bizarrely — as full of surprising twists and turns as ever — 40 years since we first got together, and 20 years after losing Freddie. But of course Freddie is in so many ways very much alive. He must be wryly smiling somewhere.

As a big Sacha Baron Cohen fan and an even bigger Queen fan, I can’t wait for this movie. For my money, Freddie Mercury is the greatest frontman that ever lived. His amazing voice and powerful stage presence were just…wow. I’ve never seen anyone better. I still get chills watching him work the crowd during Live Aid. Watch the performance below and witness Freddie’s glory.

Anyone else amped to watch Sacha Baron Cohen as Freddie Mercury in the Queen movie?

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