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Random Thoughts on Deadpool (Movie Review)

Deadpool’s journey from pulp to cinema took many twists and turns. People were worried that a big movie studio wouldn’t let Marvel’s “Merc With a Mouth” be true to the comics. Some were worried that the Deadpool movie couldn’t possibly live up to the outstanding marketing campaign that preceded it. I’m incredibly happy to tell you that the movie is all that and then some. The movie is true to one of Marvel’s most unique characters and Fox’s best comic-book movie to date.

Now let’s break it down using the hallowed RPadTV binary system. Naturally, turn on your spoiler shields!

Ryan Reynolds Redeemed (Good): It’s no secret that I hated the Green Lantern movie — like physically, palpably hated that piece of sh*t. I was a Ryan Reynolds fan going into Green Lantern and wanted to kick the crap out of him after watching that craptastic failure of a film. He ruined one of my favorite characters in comics and I was deathly afraid that he was going to do it again, but…

Deadpool was so enjoyable that after the movie was over, I thought to myself, “You’re forgiven, Ryan Reynolds. It’s all good.” It took a remarkable effort (maximum effort!) and a great performance to redeem him, but Reynolds did it (to my delightful amazement).

Best. Opening. Credits. Ever. (Good): I can’t even spoil this one for you. It was too good. It even had little Easter eggs, like Rob L’s cup of coffee.

Perfect Tone (Good): As expected, there were some changes from the source material, but the tone of the movie and the character were spot on. The combination of Reynolds’ performance, sharp writing, crude language, and ridiculous action made the movie feel like the real Deadpool. Of course it wasn’t as literal as The Watchmen, but Deadpool is still among the most faithful movie adaptations of a comic book.

Daario Nawhatshisface (Bad): One of the movie’s few weaknesses was Ajax. The movie version of the villain was totally “generic British baddie.” Actor Ed Skrein had a few fun moments, but his performance was otherwise flat. Also, I couldn’t stop seeing him as Daario Naharis v1 from Game of Thrones. I’m pretty sure all Game of Thrones fans that see Deadpool will recognize him. Those summer teeth are unforgettable.

Angel Dust (Bad): While Gina Carano made for a menacing villainess, I was bummed that this role was a budgetary amalgam. Originally, the cast of baddies was larger. For monetary reasons, the characters of Garrison Kane, Sluggo, and Wyre were mashed into Angel Dust. I’m particularly fond of the Kane character, so it was a bummer that he didn’t make the cut. While Carano had some nice fight scenes, her acting is…pretty much what you’d expect from an ex-MMA fighter.

Fourth Wall Follies (Good): One of the most entertaining aspects of Deadpool (the comics character) is his penchant for breaking down the fourth wall. Deadpool (the movie character) does this too and he does it well. It would have been easy to lean too heavily on this device, but I think the writers kept it on the right side of the line between entertaining and overzealous. The fourth-wall humor and constant pop-culture references are two of the reasons the Deadpool character is unique and they had to be part of the movie. Witty words delivered sharply by Reynolds made it work.

Negasonic Teenage Warhead (Good): Okay, the movie version of the character is nothing like the comics version, but it totally worked. Brianna Hildebrand had a small role in the film, but she maximized her screen time. She was great as an angsty teen mutant with energy-based powers. Plus, it’s just fun to say and type Negasonic Teenage Warhead.

Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Negasonic Teenage Warhead — see?!?

Surprisingly Heartfelt (Good): One aspect of the movie that I wasn’t expecting was effective romance. Ryan Reynolds and Morena Baccarin had great onscreen chemistry, making the romance between Deadpool and Vanessa believable. The movie had a shocking amount of romantic charm, making it one of the few comic-book movies that works for a Valentine’s Day date (provided you’re dating or married to a cool chick).

Ultra Violence (Good): Like the comics, the Deadpool movie has a zany type of violence. Fierce gunplay, acrobatic swordsmanship, and physical comedy were blended together marvelously. There was a nice contrast between Deadpool’s dynamic fight scenes and Colossus’ power moves. The brief “fight” between Deadpool and Colossus was frickin’ hilarious.

Music Sweet Music (Good): You have to give it up for a movie that effectively uses Juice Newton, Salt-N-Pepa, Neil Sedaka, Chicago, and Wham! in the same soundtrack.

Bring On the Director’s Cut (Good): I’m looking forward to watching a longer edit of the movie. As it is, the pace of the theatrical release is just about perfect for a mainstream audience. As a lifelong comics nerd, I want more — especially more scenes with Weasel and Blind Al. I love both of those characters and the talent playing them in movie is fantastic.

Bottom Line: Deadpool exceeded my expectations. I was expecting a movie packed with raucous action and lewd humor. While the movie did have those elements, it also had deeper characterization than I was expecting, as well as smarter writing. Deadpool has been one of my favorite Marvel characters for decades and I’m thrilled that Fox did him justice on the big screen. Again, I’m comfortable saying that this is Fox’s best comic-book movie to date. More importantly, I’m happy to say that Deadpool makes up for the travesty that was Green Lantern. Thank you, Ryan Reynolds, for championing this movie and delivering a fantastic performance.

Random Thoughts on Star Wars: The Force Awakens

There’s so much that I want to say about Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Thankfully, this website lets me share my (silly) stream of consciousness with the world. Today’s “not a review” uses the tried and true RPadTV binary system for lots of random thoughts on the latest chapter in the Star Wars saga. Here’s the short version — I loved it and will happily pay money to see it again in theaters…several times.

Like most nerds, I love the original Star Wars trilogy. That said, I probably enjoyed the prequels more than most (don’t get me wrong, Jar Jar and Ani suck). I also greatly enjoyed director JJ Abrams’ two Star Trek movies. Going into The Force Awakens, I had high but reasonably tempered expectations. I’m happy to say that my expectations were exceeded. The Force Awakens is a phenomenally fun movie. Now kindly turn on your spoiler shields and lock your S-foils in attack position for some random thoughts on Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

Mark Out Moments (Good): The Force Awakens had four moments that overwhelmed my heart and had me holding back tears of joy.

The first time the Millennium Falcon is shown
Seeing the new X-wing fighters
The first time R2D2 is shown
Rey using the force to grab a lightsaber

These scenes dazzled me and had me believing in movie magic again. In the immortal words of Sergio from Get Him to the Greek, they left me feeling “like an eight-year old who just discovered his first boner.” While I’ve marked out at the movies before, I don’t recall ever feeling so high from a film. It almost makes you feel bad for younger people that didn’t grow up with the original Star Wars movies, since they won’t have those nostalgia-fueled mark-out moments.

A New Scoundrel (Good): Resistance pilot Poe Dameron stole the show early on. He’s one of the best pilots in the galaxy and has a roguish charm. When he’s captured by The First Order and brought face to face with baddie Kylo Ren, Poe quips in the face of danger. He’s supposed to be terrified, but playfully says, “Are you talking first? Or am I? Who’s supposed to talk first?” It’s a nice eff you to Kylo Ren and peril in general. For the rest of the movie, Poe is pretty much the good guy male moviegoers want to be.

Finn Grow on You (Good): Initially, Finn comes off as flat and uninteresting. Part of the problem is that he was paired with Poe in the earliest portion of the movie (Poe will always be “the cool one”). Over the course of The Force Awakens, Finn grows on you and then you realize that he’s a fantastic perspective character. Yes, he does heroic things, but he also has moments of freak-out cowardice, lies about his identity, and overstates his importance. He behaves in a wonderfully realistic way that’s layered, nuanced, and easy to relate to. While he starts off flat (perhaps intentionally), John Boyega’s multifaceted importance and comic timing were impressive.

Rey Kicks Ass (Good): When protagonist Rey first appeared I said, “Look, it’s less-attractive Keira Knightley.” (Partially because of her bone structure, but more for her accent) As The Force Awakens went on, she became more-talented Keira Knightley, which ultimately made her more-attractive Keira Knightley.

Rey is one of the coolest and most kick-ass female characters in sci-fi. She’s capable on several levels, equally adept at scavenging for valuable goods, jury rigging the Millennium Falcon, and fighting with a lightsaber. While there are more and more powerful female characters in mainstream movies all the time, Rey might be the most important, simply because Star Wars is huge. Daisy Ridley did a wonderful job bringing a new heroine to life. Her progression from desert scavenger to force heroine was enjoyable and mysterious. I kind of wish that I had a daughter that idolized her.

No Jar Jars (Good): The Force Awakens didn’t have any annoying aliens that got way too much screen time, annoying kids that somehow grow up to be menacing villains, and wooden young adults that (also) grow up to be menacing villains. The Jar Jar factor was probably my biggest fear going into the movie. I’m grateful that The Force Awakens didn’t have any Jar Jars or Anis.

Too Much Imitation (Possibly Bad): The biggest potential issue with The Force Awakens is that it, perhaps, is too beholden to the original trilogy. It contains many similarities and hits many of the same beats as A New Hope. Here are some examples — droid with important info gets stuck on crappy desert planet, protagonist in bland clothing finds said droid, good guys look for help at an intergalactic dive bar, bad guys build enormous spherical weapon, good guys attempt to blow up said weapon by attacking minuscule design flaw, main baddy wears a mask that gives him a menacing voice, baddy’s boss is fond of video chat, one of the X-wing pilots is overweight, mentor character dies, etc.

Some fans will feel that these instances are flattering imitation and a respectful homage to the first Star Wars film. Others will feel that they’re unoriginal and prevent The Force Awakens from being truly fresh. Personally, I enjoyed all of these moments. History has a tendency to repeat itself, even in a galaxy far away. That said, I understand if some moviegoers feel that The Force Awakens has too many similarities to A New Hope. (I will also classify those people as heartless killjoys.)

Greg Grunberg is the New Jek Porkins: I love that Greg Grunberg is in this film. I need a bestie like JJ Abrams, so that I can get roles in all of his work. More importantly, I love that Grunberg’s Snap Wexley is an overweight X-wing pilot. I am positive that Wexley’s real last name is Porkins and that he changed it to escape the sizable shadow of his heroic father.

Spoilers (Good): Disney was pretty tight with advanced screenings and did an amazing job containing press leaks. With the way today’s Internet and social media work, it’s shocking that the company was able to control information as well as it did. I was genuinely surprised about Kylo Ren’s parentage. While it was telegraphed in the movie, I’m amazed that Han Solo’s death wasn’t plastered all over the Internet weeks before the release of The Force Awakens.

Kylo Ren Temper Tantrums (Good): There were two scenes where Kylo Ren threw fits and lightsaber-ed the crap out of everything around him. Compared to how cool and controlled previous Star Wars villains were, it was fun watching him lose his sh*t. I loved it when Kylo Ren was throwing a tantrum offscreen and two stormtroopers were shown turning around. I bet their conversation went something like this:

Stormtrooper 1: “Oh crap. Wannabe sith is having another one of his bitch fits.”
Stormtrooper 2: “Yeah, let’s head to the canteen while the IT department cleans up his mess.”
Stormtropper 1: “I hope they have the penne with peas again.” (Eddie Izzard reference ftw!)

Lightsaber Duels (Good): The fight between Rey and Kylo Ren might be my favorite lightsaber fight to date. The ones from the original trilogy were fairly basic. The ones from the prequels had moments of brilliant choreography, but were overdone and had too many instances of people swinging at lightsabers instead of bodies. (Watch me execute this dynamic CG flip and swing my lightsaber ever so fiercely at your lightsaber!) The lightsaber showdown in The Force Awakens was more interesting than the original duels and more realistic than the prequel fights.

Harrison Ford Has Fun (Good): I wasn’t expecting so much Han Solo in the movie, but am grateful for all of his scenes. Old Han Solo is damaged and brittle, but still the scoundrel that everyone loved from the original movies. I couldn’t help thinking about the last time Harrison Ford reprised an old role. Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull felt laborious, as if playing the character was a burden for Ford. In The Force Awakens, he appears to be genuinely enjoying himself and having fun with the Han Solo character. While his sarcasm is toned down, he awesomely busts out a few old-school Solo-isms every now and then.

C-3PO’s Entrance (Good): This was just about perfect. Han and Leia are having an emotional moment when 3PO interrupts and kills it. Bwahahahahahahaha!!!

General Hux (Good): While he wasn’t quite the new Tarkin, Hux was a nice addition to The Force Awakens. He’s a manipulative and competitive sociopath. His dynamic with Kylo Ren was fun. Domhnall Gleeson did a great job at making this character such an unlikable dick. You can’t wait to see him eventually get blown up or sliced with a lightsaber. As a sci-fi/fantasy nerd, I love that an actor from the Harry Potter franchise is playing a part in the new Star Wars movies.

Bottom Line: Anyway, those are some assorted thoughts on Star Wars: The Force Awakens. I have many more floating around in my head, but I want to hear what you thought of the film. Please leave a comment below with your opinions and observations on Star Wars: The Force Awakens. I hope we have an awesomely nerdy discussion!

Addendum (Updated Dec-18 2:11PM)

Kylo Samberg (Bad?): Adam Driver is funny looking. With his big nose and poofy hair, he had me thinking about another funny-looking actor — Andy Samberg. Whenever Kylo Ren was onscreen, 11 percent of my brain thought about him unmasking to reveal Andy Samberg’s dopey face.

More Keira (Good): My buddy Paul brought up an interesting point about Daisy Ridley’s resemblance to Keira Knightley. Perhaps it was intentional. Knightley did play one of Queen Amidala’s handmaidens/decoys/pieces of cannon fodder in The Phantom Menace. The resemblance between Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley even confused their respective mothers during the filming of the prequels. Having a young actress with similar looks would make sense if Rey turns out to be part of the Skywalker bloodline.

The Latest Batman v. Superman Trailer is Better!

After several “meh” clips, things are starting to heat up for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. Today’s trailer was, to me, easily the best footage released from the upcoming blockbuster. Yes, Superman is still vanilla-ish and annoying as Clark Kent, but Ben Affleck was better than expected as Batman and Bruce Wayne. Ignore the fact that he did his stupid trademark smirk; he was great at the whole bitter-and-angry thing. While many purists have issues with Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor, I found him totally charming in the clip. That said, the attitude was not at all what I expect from Lex Luthor, but I’m happy to give Eisenberg’s take on the character a chance. Lastly, Wonder Woman is hot.

Anyway, check out the latest Batman v Superman clip when you have a chance and let me know what you think.

Warcraft Trailer: So What Do You Think?

The Warcraft trailer was met with great fanfare at BlizzCon 2015. Attendees went wild over the clip, released at the show by Blizzard Entertainment and Legendary Pictures. Naturally, a high level of enthusiasm was expected at BlizzCon, as the show if full of ardent Blizzard fans. I’m curious to hear what you think of the trailer. The clip is embedded below for your viewing pleasure.

What do you think of the costumes and special effects? How about the story? Kindly share your feelings (like a Care Bear) on the Warcraft trailer in the comments section. For now, here are some random (and probably silly) observations on the Warcraft trailer (with convenient timestamps!).

00:13 — The eagles from The Lord of the Rings have defected to the world of Warcraft (see what I did there?). Tired of taking orders from senile wizards and providing Uber service to hobbits, the eagles are moving onto bigger and better things in the Warcraft movie.

00:16: Phallic towers are mandatory in fantasy films…but you already knew that.

00:23: There’s your hero, Anduin Lothar played by Travis Fimmel.

00:28: When orcs attack….

00:37: I spy a racist white lord.

00:40: The orc story is explained. See, they’re not bad. Their makeup and CG just makes them look that way. Also, there’s your other hero — Durotan, played by Toby Kebbell.

00:47: You know orcs are badass when they’re completely comfortable with canine creatures that dwarf them.

01:02: Ah, that’s what Paula Patton has been up to since divorcing Robin Thicke. Is it weird that I think she makes a sexy orc?

01:15: The heroes meet! Obviously this is the part where they come to respect and understand one another…which is followed by the part where their people think they’re nuts and the warring continues. I learned this in college in Hackneyed Contrivance Plots 101.

01:24: See, a white man is behind all the trouble.

01:44: Blatant Moses ripoff! *snicker*

01:48: Climactic battle looks climactic.

01:55: Anduin pulls a Legolas.

Japanese Star Wars: The Force Awakens Trailer

Are you ready for more Star Wars: The Force Awakens? If you answered yes then check out the Japanese trailer for the most anticipated nerd movie of the last decade. There’s a bunch of new footage and dialogue that wasn’t shown in the American trailer. Kindly check out the clip when you have a chance and let me know what you think of the international trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens in the comments section. And just because it’s Friday, may the Force be with you. #ForceFriday

Coffee Talk #665: ESPN’s Closure of Grantland is Disheartening

On October 30, 2015, ESPN made the horrible decision to shut down Grantland. The website offered a fantastic combination of sports and pop-culture coverage. It quickly became my favorite website on the Internet shortly after it launched. Grantland’s writing was longer, smarter, and sharper than most of what you’ll find on the Internet. The site’s closure is disheartening on several levels.

As a reader, Grantland’s closure is disappointing because it had some of ESPN’s best writing. The site excelled at long-form articles that were informative and entertaining. It had a wide variety of writers that skillfully covered a wide variety of topics. While sports was Grantland’s emphasis, it also covered movies, music, television, pro-wrestling, and more. No matter the topic, I could always depend on a well-written article on Grantland that always entertained me and often left me a bit smarter than I was before I read it.

As a reader, I also appreciated Grantland’s simple layout. The design emphasized content and the advertising was tame by today’s standards. Grantland loaded quickly on desktop and mobile devices, unlike some of my other favorite websites (I’m looking at you, The Verge). Sadly, a website with great writing and user-friendly design is uncommon these days. That Grantland offered both was extraordinary.

As a longtime Internet writer, Grantland’s closure is depressing. It shows that corporate hacks are unwilling and/or unable to support great content creation. It’s sad that the dozens of fantastic editors and writers at Grantland no longer have jobs, while ESPN continues to pay Stephen A. Smith to act like an idiot on television. It makes me wonder what kind of support the website had from the suits, its advertisers, and its readers. Obviously something was missing. The high-quality content was there, but did the suits support it with enough marketing? Did the site not get enough ad dollars? Were people uninterested in longer articles? It’s baffling.

As a longtime ESPN.com reader, I’m amused that Grantland’s closure killed the best writing the company had to offer. I used to love ESPN.com, but it has become garbage. While the site is ESPN’s Internet flagship, the writing on Grantland and FiveThirtyEight (another ESPN-owned website) was superior to anything on the “main” website. ESPN.com has devolved in a mashup of moronic click bait, AP reposts, thoughtless opinion pieces, daily LeBron James updates, and the occasional solid article. Copyediting is, sadly, optional on ESPN.com.

Add it all up and it’s disheartening. My favorite website is gone. Another corporate overlord has pissed on the value of quality content. Instead of enjoying my daily dose of Grantland, I’ll have to read the crap on ESPN.com. Oh well, maybe it’s time to give Yahoo! Sports another look.

Coffee Talk #664: Freddy vs. Jason

Since it’s Halloween week, let’s have a horror-based column and poll in today’s Coffee Talk. I want to know which horror series you like best. In the red corner, it’s Freddy Krueger and A Nightmare on Elm Street. In the blue corner, it’s Jason Voohees and Friday the 13th. Both series have scared millions of moviegoers and have earned millions of dollars. Both have had frightful high points and unfortunate sequels that are best forgotten. Come to think of it, both series have gotten the reboot treatment as well. While A Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th certainly have a lot in common, I’m certain that you guys and gals prefer one over the other. Kindly vote in the poll below and explain your choice in the comments section.

As for me, I’m going with A Nightmare on Elm Street. There are so many things that I love about the movies and, especially, its villain. The movies had several moments that were legitimately scary. The movies also had some of the earliest instances of “meta” jokes that made sense to me in my youth. I love that Freddy Krueger was portrayed by the guy that played the goofy alien in V and later by the guy that played Kelly Leak in The Bad News Bears. In addition to being a fun movie, A Nightmare on Elm Street III exposed Dokken to a mainstream audience.

Most of all, Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund’s version) was a charming villain. He was funny and had a warped sense of humor. There were several times when I was rooting for him to kill the Elm Street kids, which felt all kinds of wrong but is a testament to the character’s actor and writers. While Jason Voorhees certainly had a more physical and intimidating presence, he was slow and stupid. If I wanted to be entertained by slow and stupid, I’d just watch a Batista match on WWE Network (zing!).

Anyway, that’s my vote and explanation. Now let’s hear yours! Kindly take the poll and expand on your choice.

[poll id=”196″]

Random Thoughts on Star Wars: The Force Awakens Final Trailer

Last night, millions of nerds cried out because they had to watch an American football game in order to catch the final trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Since it’s the biggest nerd movie of 2015, I want to hear your thoughts on the trailer (embedded below, for your convenience). I’ve watched the clip thrice and will watch it lots more before the movie comes out on December 18. For now, here are some random thoughts on the final trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

00:08: The trailer kicks of with Rey (Daisy Ridley) dressed as an albino teenage mutant ninja turtle. Her outfit is useful in the arid environment of Tatooine…because, you know, sand. As Anakin Skywalker once said about sand, “It’s coarse and irritating and it gets everywhere.”

00:39: Finn (John Boyega) takes off his stormtrooper helmet. Some longtime Star Wars fans have a problem with Finn (presumably) becoming a Jedi. In Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Yoda said that a six-year old Anakin Skywalker was too old to become a Jedi. Finn appears to be in his 20s, so some hardcore nerds have an issue with him being the next “chosen one,” while Fox News has an issue with a…melanin-enhanced person becoming a Jedi. Also, Finn appears to suck at piloting his T.I.E. fighter. So yeah, an old (for Jedi training) stormtrooper reject is your new hero!

00:50: There be lens flare. You really didn’t think JJ Abrams would drop it, did you?

00:53: Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) has a bad-ass name and a bad-ass voice. Too bad his helmet makes him look like an evil aardvark. The good news is that he’s a fan of Transformers: The Movie and quotes a song from the soundtrack to Darth Vader’s helmet.

01:05: The Millennium Falcon appears, in all of its shabby glory. You’ve never heard of the Millennium Falcon? This part of the trailer made me mark out and become a kid again.

01:15: Han Solo (Harrison Ford), looking as leathery as a worn out saddle bag, appears and tells the kids, “It’s true.” Apparently news dissemination sucks in their world, making it so that tank girl and a stormtrooper reject are ignorant of recent history. Clearly they have the technology, but apparently there weren’t any bloggers a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

01:17: The first warp lines appear. JJ Abrams did an excellent job modernizing warp lines in the recent Star Trek movies. These old-school warp effects look like stick figures. I guess they have nostalgic value. *shrug*

01:24: Kylo Ren is flanked by what appears to be imperial guards. Some people say they’re his Sith followers, but that would have him breaking the Sith rule of two. Either way, having a gang makes him look like a bit of a pussy. Darth Vader didn’t need any backup.

01:25: I love the X-Wing, but am disappointed that it hasn’t made any significant advancements (to the naked eye) in 30 years. Hell, Airbus and Boeing move at a glacial pace and even their birds look considerably sleeker than ones from 30 years ago.

01:40: Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) is whining to R2-D2 about not being in the official movie poster. That’s what he gets for going to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters, which apparently constitutes playing with your friends in Tatooine.

01:46: Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew), what a wookiee. Finn, Chewie, and Han appear to be getting arrested. Some things never change for scoundrels.

01:57: Princess Leia (Carrie Fischer) cries on Han’s shoulder, sad about what a hottie she was in the late 70s and early 80s. Hopefully they don’t show old Leia in a metal bikini.

01:58: Finn starts a lightsaber duel with Kylo Ren. He leads with a strong stance, but looks inept after that. This has lead some people to believe that Finn isn’t Force sensitive. I’m not sure about any of that. Swordsmanship is a fine art that’s difficult to master. When you add in laser swords and the fact that Finn sucked as a stormtrooper, of course he’s not going to be the best dualist. On a side note, my favorite lightsaber form is Soresu. What’s yours?

Anyway, that’s what I observed from the Star Wars: The Force Awakens final trailer. I’m sure that you guys and gals noticed many things that I did not and that certain bits meant much more to you than they did to me. With that in mind, kindly use the Force, let go, and share your thoughts on the trailer in the comments section.

LEGO The Avengers: Age of Ultron in Two Minutes

How it Should Have Ended is one of my favorite YouTube channels, but the content has been lacking in both quantity and quality for the last few months. Thankfully, the guys and gals at HISHE got their groove back with this excellent LEGO The Avengers: Age of Ultron in Two Minutes video. It’s a glorious piece of stop-motion video that pokes fun at everything people loved and hated about The Avengers: Age of Ultron. Check out the clip below and let me know what you think (please!).

Fast & Furious To End With a New Trilogy

While I was busy having a spectacular birthday celebration, Vin Diesel posted a Fast & Furious update on Facebook. After scrolling past his goofy face, you’ll see that the legendary thespian wrote, “I promised the studio I would deliver one last Trilogy to end the saga. I will announce the directors on my next post…” So the Fast & Furious crew will definitely be going on one last ride…followed by two more last rides.

Obviously the executives at Universal would love to cash in on three more Fast & Furious movies. Furious 7 raked in a preposterous $1.5-billion. Millions of moviegoers will surely pay for three more Vin Diesel-powered (*snicker*) heist films. Those certainties aside, there are a number of questions that make me wonder about the future of this storied franchise. How do you replace Paul Walker’s mesmerizingly bad acting? I don’t believe that it can be done. The franchise is also running out of permutations of titles that use the words furious and fast (Fast & Furious, Fast 5, Furious 7, etc.). Will the wordsmiths at Universal be able to conjure up three more catchy movie names without adding another word?

While I’m not sure about the movie titles, there is a possible solution for filling the void left by Paul Walker (as much as it can possibly be filled). Perhaps Michael B Jordan — fresh off his pathetic performance in Fantastic Four — could join the crew. If Jordan can bring a Fantastic Four-level performance and Vin Diesel spends the entire movie indecipherably mumbling then maybe the pair can do a bad enough job to properly honor Walker. The key is tandem acting that’s so bad that it’s practically hypnotic. Between Diesel’s warbling and Jordan bring Jordan, they just may be able to pull it off!

On a more serious note, I love that Diesel managed to slip in the word “family” in his Facebook post. It wouldn’t be Fast & Furious without him muttering about family. On a completely serious note, I will likely pay to see all three films in the Fast & Furious closing trilogy. The franchise is one of my favorite series of dumb movies ever and hitting a tenth film would cement its place in history.

Now, who’s with me?!? What do you want from the last three Fast & Furious films? Who would you like to see direct them? Any suggestions on replacing Paul Walker? Will Universal add another token Asian guy (TAG) to boost the international box? Please leave a comment and let me know.

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