Random Thoughts on the Green Lantern Movie (Hint: It Sucked)

Hi, I’m Raymond, Grey Lantern of sector 2814. I harness the formidable power of disappointment. I received my vast powers from watching the Green Lantern movie. As a huge fan of the comic books, I was tremendously excited to see Hal Jordan on the big screen. I left the movie theater a disappointed wreck. While Green Lantern had a few bright spots, they weren’t enough to overcome the movie’s bad writing, bad casting, bad acting, and bad directing. On the plus side, my Grey Lantern power ring is filled with enough disappointment energy to last 4.7 years.

Here are some random thoughts (not a review!) on Green Lantern. There be spoilers ahead, matey!

Van Wilder is a Bad Hal Jordan — I never liked Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan. He’s too goofy and funny. In my head he made more sense as Green Lantern Guy Gardner. There were a handful of scenes where Reynolds did a good job portraying Hal’s boldness and fearlessness, but for the majority movie he was…Van Wilder. He was too cute and goofy for Hal Jordan.

Movie Parallax Sucks — I hated the movie version of Parallax. His origin was changed for…hell, I can’t think of a good reason for changing his origin. Instead of being the living embodiment of fear, he was a renegade Guardian that attempted to harness the yellow energy of fear. Instead of the intimidating insect-like creature in the comics, he was a floating head with ashen tentacles. Perhaps the director was watching too much Japanese tentacle pr0n. This alteration will hurt comic-book fans more than anyone else.

Hector Hammond Wasn’t That Bad — I’ve never liked Hector Hammond in the comics. He looks like a dork and he’s not terribly interesting. The biggest surprise of Green Lantern was that the movie version of this wretched character wasn’t so bad. All the credit goes to the talented Peter Sarsgaard. He managed to make a horrible character mildly interesting. He was still a relatively lame villain, but Sarsgaard’s Hector Hammond was the best version of the character ever.

The Aliens Were Cool — The alien Green Lanterns were the best parts of the movie. I marked out during the scenes with Abin Sur, Tomar Re, Kilowog, and Sinestro. It’s cool that they were played by Jango Fett, Captain Barbosa, Kingpin, and…uh [insert memorable Mark Strong role here], respectively. The aliens were pretty spot on, but they weren’t given enough to do. Mark Strong was fantastic as Sinestro (although his origin was also altered for no apparent reason) and his post-credit scene was visually awesome.

On the downside, I didn’t like that Kilowog gave himself props for training Hal. The line was ripped from the comics, where it made sense. The comics showed panels of arduous training that took place over an extended period of time. In the movie, Kilowog trained Hal for three minutes. The Guardians, already a bit ridiculous in the comics, looked even sillier in the movie…but there’s only so much you can do with little blue beings with immense power.

The Special Effects Weren’t Very Special — I’ve been waiting for a Green Lantern movie for decades. Early on, the limits of technology made a Green Lantern movie impossible.┬áVast improvements in computer-generated effects made Hal Jordan’s big-screen adventures a reality. The only problem is that the effects weren’t all that special. There were some cool flying scenes and some nifty ring constructs, but a lot of the effects looked unfinished. My friend Paul joked that he can’t wait for the Blu-ray so that the special effects can be finished.

Blake Lively? — I don’t get her. She’s attractive, but I don’t see the amazing hottie that most of the world sees. I also think that DiCaprio could do better. In the context of the movie, she was mediocre as Carol Ferris. She’s supposed to be a powerful and domineering woman that’s as hard-headed as Hal. In this movie she fell short. It was cool that she was shown as a great pilot and a strong businesswoman, but she quickly dropped all of that to become a generic damsel-in-distress. Lively didn’t bring the ferocity required to adequately portray Carol Ferris.

Bottom Line — The lead character was miscast and way off the mark. One villain was horribly rewritten from the comics. The other villain was a lifelong lamer that was made mildly interesting by a superb actor. The aliens were, by far, the best parts of the movie and they didn’t have enough scenes.

*sigh* I really wanted this movie to be great…but it was pretty awful. Thor kicked its ass. I wouldn’t have expected a Thor movie to be much better than a Green Lantern movie, yet that’s precisely what happened in 2011. Now please excuse me as I must read Sinestro Corps War, vol 1 to erase this crap movie from my head.

Author: RPadTV