Random Thoughts on the Green Lantern Movie (Hint: It Sucked)

Hi, I’m Raymond, Grey Lantern of sector 2814. I harness the formidable power of disappointment. I received my vast powers from watching the Green Lantern movie. As a huge fan of the comic books, I was tremendously excited to see Hal Jordan on the big screen. I left the movie theater a disappointed wreck. While Green Lantern had a few bright spots, they weren’t enough to overcome the movie’s bad writing, bad casting, bad acting, and bad directing. On the plus side, my Grey Lantern power ring is filled with enough disappointment energy to last 4.7 years.

Here are some random thoughts (not a review!) on Green Lantern. There be spoilers ahead, matey!

Van Wilder is a Bad Hal Jordan — I never liked Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan. He’s too goofy and funny. In my head he made more sense as Green Lantern Guy Gardner. There were a handful of scenes where Reynolds did a good job portraying Hal’s boldness and fearlessness, but for the majority movie he was…Van Wilder. He was too cute and goofy for Hal Jordan.

Movie Parallax Sucks — I hated the movie version of Parallax. His origin was changed for…hell, I can’t think of a good reason for changing his origin. Instead of being the living embodiment of fear, he was a renegade Guardian that attempted to harness the yellow energy of fear. Instead of the intimidating insect-like creature in the comics, he was a floating head with ashen tentacles. Perhaps the director was watching too much Japanese tentacle pr0n. This alteration will hurt comic-book fans more than anyone else.

Hector Hammond Wasn’t That Bad — I’ve never liked Hector Hammond in the comics. He looks like a dork and he’s not terribly interesting. The biggest surprise of Green Lantern was that the movie version of this wretched character wasn’t so bad. All the credit goes to the talented Peter Sarsgaard. He managed to make a horrible character mildly interesting. He was still a relatively lame villain, but Sarsgaard’s Hector Hammond was the best version of the character ever.

The Aliens Were Cool — The alien Green Lanterns were the best parts of the movie. I marked out during the scenes with Abin Sur, Tomar Re, Kilowog, and Sinestro. It’s cool that they were played by Jango Fett, Captain Barbosa, Kingpin, and…uh [insert memorable Mark Strong role here], respectively. The aliens were pretty spot on, but they weren’t given enough to do. Mark Strong was fantastic as Sinestro (although his origin was also altered for no apparent reason) and his post-credit scene was visually awesome.

On the downside, I didn’t like that Kilowog gave himself props for training Hal. The line was ripped from the comics, where it made sense. The comics showed panels of arduous training that took place over an extended period of time. In the movie, Kilowog trained Hal for three minutes. The Guardians, already a bit ridiculous in the comics, looked even sillier in the movie…but there’s only so much you can do with little blue beings with immense power.

The Special Effects Weren’t Very Special — I’ve been waiting for a Green Lantern movie for decades. Early on, the limits of technology made a Green Lantern movie impossible.┬áVast improvements in computer-generated effects made Hal Jordan’s big-screen adventures a reality. The only problem is that the effects weren’t all that special. There were some cool flying scenes and some nifty ring constructs, but a lot of the effects looked unfinished. My friend Paul joked that he can’t wait for the Blu-ray so that the special effects can be finished.

Blake Lively? — I don’t get her. She’s attractive, but I don’t see the amazing hottie that most of the world sees. I also think that DiCaprio could do better. In the context of the movie, she was mediocre as Carol Ferris. She’s supposed to be a powerful and domineering woman that’s as hard-headed as Hal. In this movie she fell short. It was cool that she was shown as a great pilot and a strong businesswoman, but she quickly dropped all of that to become a generic damsel-in-distress. Lively didn’t bring the ferocity required to adequately portray Carol Ferris.

Bottom Line — The lead character was miscast and way off the mark. One villain was horribly rewritten from the comics. The other villain was a lifelong lamer that was made mildly interesting by a superb actor. The aliens were, by far, the best parts of the movie and they didn’t have enough scenes.

*sigh* I really wanted this movie to be great…but it was pretty awful. Thor kicked its ass. I wouldn’t have expected a Thor movie to be much better than a Green Lantern movie, yet that’s precisely what happened in 2011. Now please excuse me as I must read Sinestro Corps War, vol 1 to erase this crap movie from my head.

Author: RPadTV


43 thoughts on “Random Thoughts on the Green Lantern Movie (Hint: It Sucked)”

  1. Interesting. I know nothing of Green Lantern and had no interest in seeing it. You just gave it the official kiss of death for me Ray.

  2. Random Thoughts on being a Bostonian:


    All four major sports titles in 6 years. We are lucky man.

  3. Random Thoughts on being a Bostonian:


    All four major sports titles in 6 years. We are lucky man.

  4. I saw this last night too and i wanted to love it but the comic geek inside of me didnt let me after awhile but all my non comic book reading friends enjoyed it very much. So im thinking this movie will win the box office until transformers comes out towards the end of the month.

      1. Then i guess my friends are easily entertained, because i had this same issue with xmen first class.

      2. Or perhaps it was fun for people that don't know anything about Green Lantern at all. That's entirely possible, but the other reviews I've read today were mostly harsh.

      3. That could be. I feel bad for one of my friends who "thoroughly enjoyed it" and gives it "two thumbs up."

    1. I felt like that after Ghost Rider. GR comics wee the first I collected and I actually had the entire original series (and lost them all in a flood).

      My friends who didn't know better liked it… I was in horror at the disgrace made on my childhood memories.

      1. He was in Fast Times at Ridgemont High… can't disrespect that.

        I was also down with Con Air.

      2. I actually love Nick Cage movies, just never seen Fast Times at Ridgemont High. The Family Man and The Weather Man are two phenomenal movies, I love the first one a lot more though. Lord of War was such a good movie, The Rock, Snake Eyes, 8MM, Face/Off, Matchstick Men. There are so many great Nicholas Cage movies out there.

      3. I'm not denying that, and I'm not a fan of some of his most recent movies. However, he has some great characters that make for some great movies. The other thing is that I can watch his movies over and over again, something I can't do with a lot of actors out there.

  5. I don't really know much of anything about the Green Lantern character, but I still want to see this. I think I have a man crush on Ryan Reynolds though, I like most all of his movies.

  6. Yeah i wouldve liked to do that lol. Did u happen to see the GL emerald knights dvd that came out last week, yet?

  7. I like Ryan Reynolds in most movies but you're right, it's weird trying to see him as a superhero.

  8. I think that it may be worth a watch, it looks interesting enough to me. But I already don't like that Ryan Reynolds is Green Lantern simply because he is already Deadpool and like I was telling Tokz the other day I hate continuity to be messed with in my movies.

    The trailers for this movie make it look awesome, but I just don't want to be let down. I've never read any of the Green Lantern comics or anything so maybe I will be safe. In a similar comparison I know a ton of people who loved X-Men first class and wouldn't ever dream of picking up a comic book or caring in the least about story plot, tone, continuity, etc. Based on that I think the same people will also love Green Lantern, and like someone above me pointed out that is why the movie will most likely do well until Transformers comes out.

    @Blake Lively

    Yeah she is hot, @Ray, I don't know what you are missing. I normally don't like blondes (except for Kate Hudson) but I can easily make an exception for her too. My guess is if you don't really like her already then you won't find anything to change your mind. She has potential though and I think with the right roles she will really shine. I wouldn't say that DiCaprio could do better, I would say she could easily do better—of course for all the talent he has I severely dislike him.

  9. I could have told you this movie was going to suck not only when I saw that Van Wilder was going to be Hal, but also when I saw him turn into a crappy CGI version of himself when he uses the ring's powers. Apparently, the term "uncanny valley" means nothing to these people.


  10. In my head, I kept seeing a younger version of Jon Hamm instead of Van Wilder for Hal Jordan. *sigh* I just bought a bunch of Green Lantern comics to try to erase this movie as the primary GL memory floating around my head.

  11. For one who doesn't know Hollywood hook-ups the way you do, one might think you were suggesting that Blake Lively's role would have been better cast if Leonardo DiCaprio got the part.

    You a funny man, Raymond!

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