X-Factor USA: You Better Ask Me to Dance

“You Better Ask Me to Dance” by Second Hand High is the best horrible song I’ve heard since the legendary “Pants on the Ground“. It contains several nuggets of lyrical wisdom like, “Why buy the cow when you can get the leche for free?” Performed last night on The X-Factor USA, the song whipped the crowd into a frenzy. The performance itself was total crap, but that made the power of “You Better Ask Me to Dance” all the more impressive. It’s a strangely catchy tune that got the crowd and judge Kelly Rowland dancing.

Check out the clip below to watch Second Hand High’s performance of “You Better Ask Me to Dance”. It’s followed by a sketch of The X-Factor USA judges performing to the song, including some rapping by Simon Cowell.

I was genuinely amazed by the song. It sticks in your head and makes you want to rap along. While Second Hand High might not have a future as performing artists, the guy that wrote the song might have some real talent. I’m fairly certain that some enterprising producer will make a highly polished version of “You Better Ask Me to Dance” or have some B-tier artists record it. I’m sure it will do reasonably well…and eclipse the power of “Pants on the Ground”.

Please check out the clip above and let me know what you think of “You Better Ask Me to Dance”. Do you think the song is legitimately catchy and entertaining? Or is it only satisfying in that William Hung train-reck way? Take the “You Better Ask Me to Dance” challenge and watch the clip thrice. I guarantee that 92 percent of you will have it stuck in yours heads for a week. Can you stand up to the power of “You Better Ask Me to Dance”?

Watch Metallica Play “Enter Sandman” For Mariano Rivera

Watching Metallica play “Enter Sandman” for Mariano Rivera at Yankee Stadium was one of the few highlights for New York Yankee fans in 2013. Between the numerous injuries, mediocre play, A-Rod being an a-hole, and my dear Captain‘s perforated ankle, there hasn’t been a lot for Yankee fans to be happy about this season. The Mariano Rivera retirement tour has been a bittersweet event to follow. It’s awesome seeing how respected he is throughout Major League Baseball and it’s fun seeing the farewell gifts teams are giving him, but it’s sad and scary that the Yankees are losing the greatest closer of all time. For a brief moment on Sunday, the Mariano Rivera tour was frickin’ cool thanks to Metallica and an excellent Yankee Stadium crowd.

Seeing Yankee greats from the recent Yankee “dynasty” teams was awesome. Bernie Williams, Paul O’Neill, Tino Martinez, David Cone, Jorge Posada, Hideki Matsui, and others were on hand to celebrate Mariano Rivera. It was cool seeing them on the field again, but it was funny when many of them whipped out there mobile phones to record Metallica’s performance. Hopefully Lars Ulrich doesn’t sue them for posting their clips on the Internet.

As for the band, they were expectedly solid. Unlike Mariano Rivera, Metallica hasn’t aged well. Lars’ receding hairline had his head in danger of massive centerfield sunburn. Kirk Hammett was either too scary to show on camera or wasn’t there. I would never have guessed that James Hetfield would have aged more gracefully than his bandmates. I thought Kirk’s Asian genes would have preserved him better, but his Irish half seems to have won out. They’re pros though and did a fine job rocking at a respectful level for Mariano Rivera and the fans at Yankee Stadium.

Check out the clip of Metallica performing at Yankee Stadium for Mariano Rivera Appreciation Day and share your thoughts on the joyous occasion (please!).

Star Wars Meets…Les Miserables?!?

Here’s an excellent video that mashes up Star Wars and Les Miserables. It features the confrontation between Valjean and Javert, but with lightsabers and Force powers. As a Star Wars nerd and a fan of Les Miserables (the musical, not the book…that I haven’t finished), I found the video utterly awesome. The actors sing well and the addition of lightsabers is hilarious! It makes you wonder though. How interesting would the Paris Uprising of 1832 have been if everyone had lightsabers?

As you know, most of the best fight scenes in cinema feature one of two things — music (see West Side Story) and lightsabers (Kenobi vs. Skywalker I). Combining the two is sheer genius. Check out the clip below and let me know what you think (please). What other musicals would benefit from lightsabers? How about Cats or A Chorus Line?

Why is Bruno Mars Singing at Super Bowl XLVIII?!?

The National Football League announced that Bruno Mars will be the featured halftime act at Super Bowl XLVIII. That’s right, for the Super Bowl in New Jersey, the NFL signed that dude from Hawaii to sing. Last time I checked, Bruce Springsteen and Bon Jovi are alive and able to perform. Wouldn’t it have made exponentially more sense to get a legendary New Jersey act to perform at Super Bowl XLVIII?

Don’t get me wrong. I totally respect Bruno Mars. The man has an amazing voice and sings some catchy tunes. He has an impish appearance that most Americans find non-threatening. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, it’s that America accepts non-threatening brown people far easier than say…Chris Brown people.

I’m sure that the Bruno Mars Super Bowl XLVIII halftime show will be good, at the very least. His music is popular and he can put on a flashy show. Plus, the kids love his goofy hats. Since the death of Don Ho, Bruno Mars has been Hawaii’s pride and joy — much respect for that. My brother is a musician in Hawaii and from talking with him, I get the sense of how proud the locals are of Bruno Mars. That said, I have to dock him a coolness point for investing in a crappy e-cig company instead of a good one.

Anyway, here’s a clip from the official announcement for those of you not familiar with Bruno Mars:

Bruno Mars is a critically acclaimed singer, songwriter, producer and musician. The 14-time Grammy Award nominee and Grammy winner has sold over 115 million singles worldwide. His current album Unorthodox Jukebox and his debut album Doo-Wops & Hooligans have a combined certification total of 60x platinum worldwide. According to Billboard, Mars scored his first five “Hot 100” No. 1s faster than any male since Elvis Presley. As a singer, songwriter and producer, Mars has an impressive catalog of 22 “Hot 100” hits. Currently, Bruno Mars and his eight-piece band The Hooligans are on a sold-out, 91-city world arena tour.

Help me understand why the NFL chose Bruno Mars to sing at Super Bowl XLVIII (please)!

Source

Why is Bruno Mars Singing at Super Bowl XLVIII?!?

The National Football League announced that Bruno Mars will be the featured halftime act at Super Bowl XLVIII. That’s right, for the Super Bowl in New Jersey, the NFL signed that dude from Hawaii to sing. Last time I checked, Bruce Springsteen and Bon Jovi are alive and able to perform. Wouldn’t it have made exponentially more sense to get a legendary New Jersey act to perform at Super Bowl XLVIII?

Don’t get me wrong. I totally respect Bruno Mars. The man has an amazing voice and sings some catchy tunes. He has an impish appearance that most Americans find non-threatening. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, it’s that America accepts non-threatening brown people far easier than say…Chris Brown people.

I’m sure that the Bruno Mars Super Bowl XLVIII halftime show will be good, at the very least. His music is popular and he can put on a flashy show. Plus, the kids love his goofy hats. Since the death of Don Ho, Bruno Mars has been Hawaii’s pride and joy — much respect for that. My brother is a musician in Hawaii and from talking with him, I get the sense of how proud the locals are of Bruno Mars. That said, I have to dock him a coolness point for investing in a crappy e-cig company instead of a good one.

Anyway, here’s a clip from the official announcement for those of you not familiar with Bruno Mars:

Bruno Mars is a critically acclaimed singer, songwriter, producer and musician. The 14-time Grammy Award nominee and Grammy winner has sold over 115 million singles worldwide. His current album Unorthodox Jukebox and his debut album Doo-Wops & Hooligans have a combined certification total of 60x platinum worldwide. According to Billboard, Mars scored his first five “Hot 100” No. 1s faster than any male since Elvis Presley. As a singer, songwriter and producer, Mars has an impressive catalog of 22 “Hot 100” hits. Currently, Bruno Mars and his eight-piece band The Hooligans are on a sold-out, 91-city world arena tour.

Help me understand why the NFL chose Bruno Mars to sing at Super Bowl XLVIII (please)!

Source

Coffee Talk #599: When Wrestling Used Real Music

There’s a whole generation of pro-wrestling fans that have no idea that wrestlers made their entrances set to popular music. That used to be one of my favorite aspects of pro-wrestling. There were certain guys that I liked or hated because I liked or hated their entrance music. These days, the vast majority of pro-wrestling entrance themes are in-house creations (with most WWE songs being penned by Jim Johnston). Back in the ’70s and ’80s, wrestlers  (and management) picked popular songs that felt appropriate for their characters. Instead of paying for music licenses, the WWF/WWE started writing in-house songs that they could sell. It makes total sense on a business level, but I still miss wrestlers using…continued

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There’s a whole generation of pro-wrestling fans that have no idea that wrestlers made their entrances set to popular music. That used to be one of my favorite aspects of pro-wrestling. There were certain guys that I liked or hated because I liked or hated their entrance music. These days, the vast majority of pro-wrestling entrance themes are in-house creations (with most WWE songs being penned by Jim Johnston). Back in the ’70s and ’80s, wrestlers  (and management) picked popular songs that felt appropriate for their characters. Instead of paying for music licenses, the WWF/WWE started writing in-house songs that they could sell. It makes total sense on a business level, but I still miss wrestlers using “real” music. (To be fair, ECW used real music prior to landing on TNN and several indie promotions continue to do so today.)

Let’s take a look back at some popular songs used as pro-wrestling entrance themes back in the day.

Hulk Hogan “Eye of the Tiger” — Even though I sometimes use “Real American” as my ringtone, Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger” is still my favorite Hulk Hogan entrance theme. It’s a high-energy song and it always got the crowd going. Plus, it’s a nice homage to Hogan’s appearance in Rocky III, which helped take his career to a new level.

Junkyard Dog “Another One Bites the Dust” — JYD was awesome. Queen was awesome. Ergo this pairing was awesome.

Kerry Von Erich “Tom Sawyer” — Lyrically, this pairing made total sense. Before he was “The Texas Tornado,” Von Erich was “The Modern Day Warrior.” Musically, it wasn’t the most riveting entrance them, but I love Rush and I was a mark for Kerry in the WCCW days.

The Road Warriors “Iron Man” — Before the WWE neutered them and made them the lovable Legion of Doom, The Road Warriors were — by far — the most bad-ass tag-team in the world. Using a bad-ass Black Sabbath song was an outstanding choice.

The U.S. Express “Born in the USA” — Another appropriate pairing, the tag-team of Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo was pushed as a couple of all-American boys. Too bad they never turned into cowardly heels and used Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run.”

Jimmy Garvin “Sharp Dressed Man” — Something of an ’80s Gorgeous George, “Gorgeous” Jimmy Garvin was a flamboyant wrestler that wore tacky robes and had an outstanding ’80s perm…that could almost pass as a ZZ Top beard.

Rick Rude “Smooth Operator” — The Ravishing One could do whatever the hell he wanted, which apparently included walking to the ring to a Sade song.

Bruiser Brody “Immigrant Song” — Wrestling marks know that Brody was one of the original “monster” wrestlers that has influenced today’s monsters. It’s a shame that he was murdered by a shady promoter before the big wrestling boom. Still, he’s a legend and using a legendary Led Zepelin song totally works.

Lord Humongous “War Machine” — Before Taz used this Kiss classic as his ECW entrance music, Lord Humongous used it in Mid-South Wrestling. For those of you not familiar with Lord Humongous, it was a masked persona used by several wrestlers, including the man that would become “Psycho” Sid.

Midnight Express “Chase” — Of course the Midnight Express used a track from the movie Midnight Express. It actually worked really well as a pro-wrestling entrance theme.

The Steiner Brothers “Welcome to the Jungle” — There are many wrestling fans that have no idea that Scott Steiner used to be the smaller Steiner brother. They probably didn’t know that they marched to the ring to this Guns n’ Roses song too.

Austin Aries “Personal Jesus” — Yeah, this isn’t from the classic era, but I’m putting it here because he’s a pal and the song fits. He didn’t like the idea of using Depeche Mode for his entrance music, but saw that it made sense for his Ring of Honor character. The crowd loved it too.

Anyway, those are just some of my favorite real songs used as pro-wrestling entrance themes. What are some of your favorites? Kindly list them in the comments section when you have a chance.

Twerk Added to Oxford Dictionary (Miley Cyrus!)

Twerk has been added to the Oxford Dictionary. This pains me on multiple levels. First of all, it’s not a real frickin’ word. Secondly, this is clearly Miley Cyrus’ fault. Her whorish, twerk-filled performance at the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards made millions of people aware of the twerking phenomenon. This pains me more than when “immersive” was deemed a proper word, instead of some PR-flak concoction used to hype a videogame. Anyway, here’s the official Oxford Dictionary definition of twerk Continue reading “Twerk Added to Oxford Dictionary (Miley Cyrus!)”

MTV Video Music Awards 2013 Highlights (VMAs)

There were several memorable performance at the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs). From Lady Gaga to Katy Perry to Justin Timberlake, the VMAs had something for everyone. Let’s take a look at some highlights and kindly talk about your favorite performance at the 2013 VMAs in the comments section.

‘N Sync Reunion
There were so many things that I loved about this VMAs performance. It started with Justin Timberlake repeatedly saying, “You asked for it.” To which I wondered, “Really?!? That’s news to me.” The celebrity crowd reactions were excellent. Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga looked like they were genuinely marking out (though Swift could have been salivating at five potential boyfriends/songwriting toys). One Direction looked positively bored. As for ‘N Sync, I was a little worried about the ones not named Justin Timberlake; Joey Fatone looked more like Joey Fat One and I was impressed/relieved that he made through the act. While Timberlake also had a solo performance, I thought it was incredibly generous of him to share the stage with the four other clowns members of ‘N Sync. Good on him.

Miley Cyrus Medley
If Cyclops from the X-Men and Gizmo from Gremlins had a giant lovechild, it would be the thing that Miley Cyrus emerged from at the beginning of her 2013 VMAs performance. Amazingly, that wasn’t the strangest thing in this bizarre set. I was amazed by how much unintentional comedy Cyrus packed into this act. Her outfit was garish, her dancing was whorish, her vocals were poor, and the stage was full of funky stuffed animals. Some of it was just uncomfortable and I felt bad for Billy Ray Cyrus; it was half a step away from him seeing his daughter perform at a strip club. It was awful, but also mesmerizing — the musical-performance equivalent of a car wreck.

Lady Gaga
You guys and dolls know that I’m a mark for Gaga. I love what she does for people that feel different and I love how she treats her fans. While I enjoy some of her music, there’s a lot of it that’s just okay to me. “Applause” fits into the latter category. That said, she put on a great show at the VMAs. It started with Gaga channeling Liza Minnelli show-tune vocals before shifting into the pop version of the song. Halfway through the act, she unveiled a seashell bikini, which is always hot (you know you wanted Ariel from The Little Mermaid). I thought it was a well-choreographed number and I really enjoyed watching it.

Katy Perry
Closing out the 2013 VMAs was Katy Perry singing “Roar.” It was cool to see an outdoor performance under the Brooklyn Bridge, but I didn’t enjoy this one was much as Gaga’s. The set looked like a LEGO version of the MGM Grand and putting Perry in boxing gear negates her sexiness. The most interesting part of the act was the silly jumprope exhibition in the middle of the song. I figured that there was a 69-percent chance that Perry would knock herself out with one of her boobs. Sadly, that didn’t happen.

Get Your Kesha Rose Penis Jewelry (Ke$ha)

Pop sensation Ke$ha has released a line of jewelry called Kesha Rose by Charles Albert. The Kesha Rose line includes all sorts of pendants, rings, earrings, bracelets, and necklaces, including numerous penis-shaped items. Fans of phallic jewelry can treat themselves to penis charm pendants, petite penis rings, penis drop earrings, penis post earrings, and more. Best of all, these penises are made out of fake gold. Here’s an excerpt from the description:

Kesha Rose by Charles Albert is handcrafted using Alchemía or “Zero Karat Gold”, as we like to call it. The collections use natural & man-made stones and are set in a blend of base metals that has the look and feel of 18K gold. Alchemía is not a plated metal; the color is through and through. Alchemía is nickel free, lead free and lacquered for extra protection, thus making it hypoallergenic. The strong ?exible lacquer is used to protect the metal from turning or tarnishing, while still allowing rings to be easily adjusted.

Will you show your loved ones just how much you care by gifting them some Kesha Rose penis jewelry?

Lady Gaga’s “Applause” vs. Katy Perry’s “Roar”

Two major pop stars have new singles out. In the red corner, Lady Gaga tries to get your adoration with “Applause.” In the blue corner, Katy Perry gets fierce with “Roar.” Which song do you like better? Kindly give them a listen (videos for both songs embedded below) and vote in today’s poll! Continue reading “Lady Gaga’s “Applause” vs. Katy Perry’s “Roar””