Mariah Carey vs. Nicki Minaj on American Idol

I knew that putting two batsh*t-crazy women on the American Idol judging panel was a good idea! Here’s a video of Nicki Minaj cursing out Mariah Carey during the American Idol audtions in Charlotte, North Carolina (aka Ric Flair country). Minaj was pretty intense and her tirade featured an impressive curse-words-per-minute ratio. Carey tried to play it cool, dismissing Minaj’s behavior as childish. If these two are having problems during auditions, I can’t wait to see what they get up to during the big shows. They’re a live TV disaster waiting to happen! Love it!!!

American Idol 2013 Judges Finalized

The judges for the next season of American Idol have been finalized! Providing insights, entertainment, and (hopefully) insanity in 2013 will be Mariah Carey, Keith Urban, Nicki Minaj, and Randy Jackson. With the show’s popularity waning, the producers decided to spruce things up with a new set of judges. (Though they couldn’t get rid of Randy Jackson. He must have naked photos of Nigel Lythgoe.)

AI was never able to replicate the drug-addled wonderfulness of Paul Abdul, who left the show in 2009. There’s an extremely high chance that the duo of Carey and Minaj will make the show more insane than it has ever been. The potential for awkward awesomeness is off the charts!

Check out the photo of the new judges below and let me know what you think of the American Idol 2013 team (please!).

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Jeffrey “Osang” Soliven Rocks X-Factor Phillipines

Osang is better than anybody I’ve seen on American Idol in the last five years. This transgender contestant rocks Drowning Pool’s “Bodies” and goes in an entirely different direction with Shaggy’s “Mr. Boombastic“. Underneath Osang’s effeminate facade is a hard-rocking power singer with enough versatility to tackle reggae grooves. Watch this video (please) and become a witness to Osang taking over the world (well…at least Southeast Asia).

Mariah Carey Getting $18-Million to Judge American Idol?

Mariah Carey recently revealed that she’ll be judging American Idol season 12. Rumor has it that she’ll be getting around $18-million for her criticisms and insights (and insane ramblings). According to People:

“Her deal is rumored to be just under $18 million for one year with an option to renew,” a source familiar with the negotiation tells People.

Season 12 should be quite a departure from the previous two, with Jennifer Lopez and Steve Tyler leaving the show. Mainstay Randy Jackson, the only original judge left, is rumored to be on the fence about returning. While I miss Simon Cowell’s acerbic wit and Paula Abdul’s drug-addled nonsense, Jackson was always the show’s glue. I can’t imagine AI without Randy’s overuse of the word “dog”, as well as his abuse of “blowing it out of the box” and “in it to win it!!!”.

What do you think of Mariah Carey joining American Idol? Any suggestions for a judge that would complement her?

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WGWG5: Phillip Phillips Wins American Idol

Despite thousands (millions?) of Filipinos faking their IP addresses and using VoIP solutions to vote for Jessica Sanchez, Phillip Phillips won the 11th American Idol. P-Squared’s victory continues the streak of AI winners that can be described as white guys with guitars (WGWG). Teenagers and housewives love WGWGs, so I wasn’t surprised that Phillips became the fifth WGWG to win. What did surprise (and delight) me was that #WGWG5 was a trending topic on Twitter last night. That was awesome.

Congrats to WGWG5 Phillip Phillips!

American Idol Finale: Jessica Sanchez vs. Phillip Phillips

The finale for American Idol season 11 is set! In the blue corner is Phillip Phillips. Continuing the WGWG (white guy with guitar) phenomenon, Phillips is popular with the millions of teenaged girls and old housewives that watch AI. In the red corner is Jessica Sanchez. Genetically engineered to compete in talent contests, the artist also known as BB Chez has incredible talent and is backed by an ardent Filipino community. Who will win American Idol in 2012? Let’s break it down.

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Talent vs. Popularity: Sanchez is clearly the more gifted singer. There’s no question about it. Her range and power are phenomenal for a 16-year old. On a technical level, Phillips is very limited…but there’s no denying his popularity with the ladies. Do you believe America will vote for talent? Or will the frau and teenyboppers flood the phone lines with votes for the guy they lust after?

Genuine vs. Fake: As limited as Phillips is, his style is established and he knows what kind of artist he wants to be. There were several instances of Phillips refusing to pander to voters, judges, mentors, Tommy Hilfiger, etc. He’s definitely the more “real” of the two. Sanchez, on the other hand, is clearly the product of an overzealous stage mom. Her entire home-schooled life was about preparing for stardom. Her style and song choices are all over the place, which indicates that she’s unsure of the artist she wants to be…which makes complete sense because she’s so young that she doesn’t even know what kind of person she wants to be. I hate when she sheepishly says, “Thank you so much.” It comes off as fake, as if she’s replying the way her mother instructed her to. On a side note, being so sheltered and manufactured means that Sanchez will either become an incredibly bizarre adult (see Michael Jackson) or have a series of spectacular breakdowns (see Britney Spears).

As Performers: Between lifting his leg like a urinating male dog, feeling himself up when he doesn’t use a guitar, and those strange, strange faces he makes Phillips is an unusual performer. Like his musical style, his performances are established. You know what you’re getting with P-Squared and it feels genuine. BB Chez is totally lost in uptempo numbers. Her attempts at stage dancing and owning the audience seem silly. She totally owns when performing power ballads, but raise the beats per minute and she looks like a little girl performing in a high school talent show.

X-Factors: While the ladies love Phillips, his singing faces are so weird that they turn some voters off. Is he constipated? Is he passing kidney stones on stage? (He actually does have kidney stones, fyi.) It’s just…funky looking (not in that George Clinton way, but in that dog feces way). People in the Philippines are actually mobilizing efforts to vote for Sanchez. Being half-Filipino means millions of Internet votes using fake IP addresses. Sometimes I love the passion of my father’s people. Sometimes it’s embarrassing. In this case, I’m not sure how to feel.

The Winner Will Be: On paper, Jessica Sanchez should win. This is a singing competition. She’s the better singer. That said, there are some people that are put off by her manufactured nature and (sadly) there are many people in the middle of America that won’t vote for a non-white contestant. Ultimately, it comes down to the power of the WGWG phenomenon vs crazy Filipino voters.

Many have argued that the last four American Idol winners — David Cook, Kris Allen, Lee DeWyze, and Scotty McCreery — were not the best singers or performers in the competition. Many believe they won because teenagers and housewives love white guys with guitars. I’m biased against BB Chez and I fear the frau, so I’m going to go with Phillip Phillips.

How about you? Please vote in the poll above and pick the winner of the American Idol season 11 finale!

American Idol 2011 Finals Scotty McCreery vs. Lauren Alaina

The American Idol 2011 finals have come down to two teenage country singers: Lauren Alaina and Scotty McCreery. In my top 10 rankings, I had them pegged at #7 and #6, respectively. Both of them raised their games and made it to the final round. Sadly, filthy pirate hooker Haley Reinhart fell short (after falling on her ass on stage). Who do you think will win American Idol 2011? Kindly vote and discuss.

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As for me, I don’t see how Scotty McCreery — aka Scotty McCreepy — can lose. Sure, he makes amazingly stupid faces and can only sing in one style (“BabyLockThemDoors“), but there are three reasons why I’m certain he’ll win.

  1. A large portion of American Idol voters are teen girls and housewives. They love McCreepy. The young girls are attracted to his “aw shucks!” demeanor and deep voice. The older women are just being pervs.
  2. The last three American Idol winners — David Cook, Kris Allen, and Lee DeWyze — have been dubbed “boring white guys with guitars”. Scotty is also a boring white guy with a guitar. The BWGWG trend is powerful and hard to stop.
  3. Most importantly, the last two American Idol winners look like former videogame journalists. Kris Allen = John Ricciardi (ex-EGM). Lee DeWyze = Patrick Joynt (ex-GameSpy). McCreepy bears an uncanny resemblance to Giant Bomb’s Brad Shoemaker; they’re both fine young boys from North Carolina with disarmingly deep voices. The trend of American Idol winners resembling game journalists will surely continue.

As for Lauren Alaina, she reminds me of a young version of old Beverly D’Angelo. I’m not talking about the young and sexy Beverly. I’m talking about the older and larger cougar Beverly. She comes off as a sweet girl that lacks confidence. I feel bad that some people refer to her as Ceiling Fat and that she’ll likely lose…but not that bad.

Anyway, I’m going with Scotty McCreery as this year’s Idol winner. How about you? Kindly vote and discuss!