Coffee Talk #670: Help Me Understand Broken Matt Hardy

Broken Matt Hardy Delete

I don’t get Broken Matt Hardy. He looks stupid. He sounds stupid. And his gimmick is stupid. For reasons that completely escape me, Broken Matt Hardy is incredibly over with smart marks. While I respect and appreciate his late-career resurgence, I don’t understand why pro-wrestling fans are into Broken Matt Hardy (Matt Hardy Version 4?). Hopefully you can help me understand the phenomenon.

Let’s start with the new and not-at-all improved look. Broken Matt Hardy has a Gentile-fro…with a white streak. He was never chiseled, and at age 42 looks softer than ever. The first time I saw a photo of him in 2016, I thought it was a photo of Eugene, the mentally challenged WWE character. I can’t be the only smark that noticed the resemblance. Whatever the case, I can’t think of a reason why a pro-wrestler would want to look like Eugene, unless he was playing a mentally challenged character.

Eugene Nick Dinsmore
Is that Eugene or Broken Matt Hardy? I can’t tell the difference.

As dumb as Broken Matt Hardy looks, his promos are even dumber. He has affected a crappy British accent and abuses the word delete. The accent is painful — it’s not even entertaining in an ironic way. It’s bad acting that makes Dick Van Dyke’s cockney voice from Mary Poppins look thoughtful and inspired. As for the “delete” thing, it makes me imagine that he got into a fight with his keyboard and can’t get over losing to a plastic key. To be fair, I can’t give him too much heat for his fascination with deletion. One of my favorite wrestlers of all time got over by repeating the word “yes” and another got ever by saying “heeeeeeyyyyyy” all the time.

Anyway, you’ve got a guy that looks stupid and sounds stupid. A talented sports entertainer could get away with these things if the words in his promos were mesmerizing. That’s not the case with Broken Matt Hardy. As far as I can tell, his promos consist of idiotic free association. He just doesn’t make any sense. Unlike Bray Wyatt, Hardy isn’t capable of making nonsense entertaining. His promos make me want to change the channel or close a browser window. Amazingly, he’s managed to achieve the verbal equivalent of X-Pac Heat.

As a fan of Matt Hardy’s previous work (Fixed Matt Hardy?), I’m happy for him. The handful of times I met him, he was very cool and even agreed to take photos with my Pokemon toys. It’s great that he’s found new success by reinventing himself. It’s hard for pro-wrestlers — especially those famous for acrobatic moves and crazy risks — to find ways to succeed as they get older and their bodies break down. It’s wonderful that the latest iteration of Matt Hardy is so popular. I just don’t understand the fascination — at all. Would you help me understand why Broken Matt Hardy is over? I don’t get it.

Matt Hardy Pokemon
The way we were — Matt Hardy, my Pokemon toys, and me.

[This post was inspired by a chat with RPadholic Tokz_21.]