Two nights ago in the RPadTV Google Hangout, RPadholic Tokz and I were discussing what an amazingly crappy boyfriend Oliver Queen (Green Arrow on The CW’s Arrow) is to his lady friends. If you go through his romantic history, you’ll find a list of women that have ended up dead, crippled, and jailed. On last night’s episode of Arrow, Laurel Lance (Black Canary II) became the latest victim. With her death fresh on comics nerds’ minds, I thought it would be a good time to go down the list of Oliver Queen’s girlfriends in order to illustrate why no woman should date him. It’s just dangerous.
Laurel Lance (Deceased): Arrow introduced Laurel as Ollie’s first love interest on the show…and promptly shows him running away on a boat to have a sexual cruise with her sister. For some reason, she decides to run back into his arms five years later. Once a lawyer with a promising future, Laurel has neglected her legal career to run around Star City as the least capable member of Team Arrow. As of last night’s episode, she’s dead.
Shado (Deceased): While Oliver was still a wuss during his early days on Lian Yu, this strong and capable woman was instrumental in his survival. Oliver returned the favor by electing not to save her life when she was held at gunpoint by the nefarious Dr. Anthony Ivo. Romance is dead…and so is Shado.
Helena Bertinelli (Jailed, Nuts): Oliver was kind enough to take this mentally unbalanced young lady and attempt to turn her into a vigilante. With Green Arrow’s “guidance,” she became the Huntress and went on one hell of a crime spree. She’s guilty of murder, theft, kidnapping, extortion, and more.
McKenna Hall (Crippled): A dashing SCPD detective, Ms. Hall exercised poor judgement in pursuing a relationship with Oliver Queen. In something of a crossover, Hall took and arrow from Arrow’s ex, the Huntress. This left her crippled. A few seasons later, Oliver has access to a cure for paralysis and never mentions helping out Hall. At least he’s consistently inconsiderate.
Isabel Rochev (Deceased): The situation with this woman is all kinds of messed up. Rochev was having an affair with Oliver Queen’s father, Robert. Years later, she returned to Star City as a pawn in an elaborate revenge plot against Oliver. She ends up boning Oliver. Later, powered by Miraclo Mirakuru, she attempts to kill Oliver, but ultimately ends up getting killed herself.
Sara Lance (Deceased, Resurrected, Nuts): Presumed dead throughout Arrow season one, the superior Lance sister returned in season two. After some initial reluctance, she resumed her relationship with her sister’s ex. Hardened by her experiences on Lian Yu and with the League of Assassins, Lance became the kick-ass vigilante known as the Black Canary. Unfortunately, she died…and was resurrected with mystical waters, only to become battier than ever. While she has to live with an insane bloodlust for the rest of her life, Sara made the wise decision to get the f*ck away from Green Arrow…and go time traveling with a group of heroes that pose far less danger than a relationship with Oliver Queen.
Felicity Smoak (Paralyzed, Healed, Emotionally Damaged): After pining for Oliver for three seasons years, Felicity gets her turn on the Arrow express at the end of season three. Their relationship features lots of secrets and lies, peaking with a bombing by a Green Arrow enemy that leaves Felicity paralyzed. Thankfully, she has a genius working for her at Palmer Tech and receives a “Terrific Chip” implant that enables her to walk again. She made the smart decision to walk out on Oliver Queen, figuratively and literally. While she has genius-level intellect, all signs point to her eventually coming back to the Oliver Queen nightmare.
Taiana Venediktov (Most Likely to Die Next): A character from the season four flashbacks to Lian Yu, all signs point to her having a fling with Oliver Queen. This also means that all signs point to her becoming a corpse before the season is over.
Bottom Line: Dating Oliver Queen always ends up in disaster. Certainly his life a Green Arrow has a great deal to do with that, but the guy was dangerous well before he donned the hood. Women should know that dating Oliver Queen means that there’s a great chance that they’ll die earlier than they ought to, a good chance that they’ll end up crippled, and a slight chance of them being jailed. To the fictional ladies of the CW Arrowverse — don’t do it!
