Fake Steve Jobs Tells You How to Combat Android Fanboys

Between all the excellent FroYo (Android 2.2) announcements at Google I/O and hot phones like the HTC Evo 4G, Android has been getting a lot of attention lately. While I love the Android platform and am very excited about FroYo’s features, some tech writers and enthusiasts are going way too far with the excitement. Thankfully Fake Steve Jobs is here to keep it real. Earlier in the week I read his article on how to combat Android fanboys and it’s so good that I keep coming back to it. Check out this snippet from the intro:

Remember how cool and special and powerful you felt when you whipped it out in public and everyone around you was like, Whoa, is that the new iPhone? Are you some kind of wizard? Do you have magic powers?

That’s just awesome. But wait! There’s more! On Android being better for power-users:

Fair enough, you’re a super techie and can handle Android. Apple is designed for regular people who don’t want to worry about technology. By adopting Android, and helping Google succeed, you are hurting the regular folks who want to use Apple. Somehow.

On multitasking:

You don’t need it. It’s a total red herring. When was the last time you did more than one thing on a phone? Also: Apple will have multitasking soon, so the point is moot.

On the various versions of Android floating around:

I’m trying to remember, how many versions of Android are there? Like sixty? And each one has a different user interface, and they’re always updating and changing and you have to go look up to see if your phone will run the new OS and it’s just so confusing and you’ll be tearing your hair out. With Apple, just one system. Simple. Ahhh.

On the “inferiority” of AT&T:

AT&T actually much better than Verizon. Faster 3G. Talk and surf Web at same time. As for dropped calls, all I can tell you is it has never happened to me or anyone I know, and the media has blown that issue way out of proportion.

On Android spyware and viruses:

You won’t get it on Apple. Android is crawling with it. Also, viruses. You’ll get viruses just by turning on your phone. If you’re on your home network, the virus could jump from your phone to every device on your network, even your WiFi router, and you will never get it out. The virus will spy on you and take pictures of you as you’re working and post those pictures on Facebook along with your credit card numbers, Social Security numbers, and a list of everything you’ve ever bought online. So, good luck with that.

This is just brilliant stuff. Some of his points are actually valid and some of them are hilariously ridiculous. There’s a ton more in the original post and I highly recommend reading it. Fake Steve Jobs ftw!!!


Author: RPadTV


10 thoughts on “Fake Steve Jobs Tells You How to Combat Android Fanboys”

  1. Haha, love it. I think that if/when Apple dumps the Iphone on Verizon's network…Android sells will take a hard hit on that carrier. Honestly…an Android device is the only thing worth having on their network. (i don't do regular phones, sorry). The Incredible while nice…is good and crippled thanks to HTC and Verizon not too mention the call quality is horrible on the handset.

    I think Android marketshare will decrease a bit once that happens. In all honesty…Android should have a bigger marketshare. It's on more than one carrier, more than one device. Iphone OS locked on a one to one. I really do not like the comparison of marketshare for that reason alone.

  2. @Ray

    Their custom UI doesn't have the same freedoms as vanilla android. You have to rootkit your phone to get the functionality of the open platform. Seems counter-intuitive. Not blaming them entirely….there is plenty to go to the carrier as well.

  3. @Ray

    Personally I'd have preferred Vanilla android. PDAnet for one. Would not work because of HTC/Verizon collusion. Moto Droid runs it perfectly fine. There is also bloatware all over the phone that activates itself whenever you make a call. Everytime I'd try and hear a call on the device the damn cityID app would open and ask me if I wanted a $2 per month subscription. YOU COULD NOT DELETE IT. There were a few other pieces of software on the device like that. In my mind since I am paying for the phone and pay for the service…I do not need those kinds of ads.

    That last aspect seemed very contrary to the platform being open source. HTC locks it down so you can't get rid of certain apps. By certain I mean extraneous.

    how's the call quality on your EVO btw?

  4. @smartguy The issues you mentioned are Verizon's fault and I totally get them. I was just wondering why you were blaming HTC.

    I too prefer vanilla Android, simply for the faster updates. However, out of all the custom Android UI enhancements, I think HTC Sense is the best. It makes Android friendlier for most people.

    Call quality has been very good. It's certainly way better than my Curve 8900 on Edge. I'm still trying to decide if it's better than the 8900 on UMA, but I'm leaning towards yes.

  5. @Ray

    perhaps it is not fair to blame HTC, but they have to get some. Did the EVO have any bloatware?

  6. @smartguy Well, HTC made the phone for Verizon. Ultimately the bloatware and feature locks are on the carrier. The Evo is free of bloatware as far as I can tell — definitely nothing active that pops up and asks you to register. Amazon's MP3 store appears in the background every now and then, but I believe that happens on stock Android too. That doesn't bother me because of the way Linux manages memory; it's not like it's sucking down any RAM.

  7. @Ray

    what are your thoughts on the Kin? I think they are good for some folks but are priced pretty wonky as far as data is concerned.

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