Mike Tyson Mysteries Trailer is Glorious

Last year, I wrote a blurb about Mike Tyson Mysteries and was intrigued by the upcoming Adult Swim cartoon. After watching the trailer, my intrigue has escalated to OMG-amazing-want-now!!! The cartoon looks glorious — kind of like a lewd version of a Hanna-Barbera or Ruby-Spears production. In some ways, Mike Tyson Mysteries reminds me the ridiculously wonderful Mister T cartoon. Instead of Mr. T traveling the country and solving problems with a team of gymnasts, Iron Mike travels the country and solves problems with the ghost of the Marquess of Queensberry (phenomenal boxing reference), a perverted pigeon named Pigeon (voiced by Norm MacDonald), and a young Asian-American girl named Yung Hee. The team can clearly give the Fantastic Four a run for their money.

The Mike Tyson Mysteries trailer above will likely leave you speechless. You’ll be amazed by Iron Mike’s problem-solving abilities as he figures out the best way to deal with a chupacabra. You’ll be stunned by Pigeon deducing why Yung Hee’s mother left her on Mike Tyson’s doorstep when she was a little baby. When Iron Mike sings “Ain’t Got No Time For Bird Sex,” you’ll wonder if he’ll win both an Emmy Award and a Grammy Award for the outstanding performance. The trailer packs so much brilliance that I’m almost afraid to watch an entire episode of Mike Tyson Mysteries.

Check out the clip when you have a chance and let me know what you think of Mike Tyson Mysteries. The show will definitely get a “season pass” on my DVR when it debuts in Fall 2014. If you don’t think that Mike Tyson Mysteries is awesome then there’s a good chance that Iron Mike will deal with you in the same way he deals with chupacabras (it’s not pretty). So let’s see some positive analysis on what should be one of the most glorious cartoons in the history of television!

Mike Tyson Mysteries

Watch Derek Jeter’s Glorious 2014 MLB All-Star Game Moments

As a Yankee fan and someone that has watched Derek Jeter’s entire baseball career, there was a lot to love about the MLB 2014 All-Star Game. He was given a classy ovation during his introduction. On his first at bat, he was introduced by a recording of the late, great, and legendary Bob Sheppard. (He also laced a sweet double off of Adam Wainwright, on a pitch that may or may not have been a gimme.) When he was taken out of the game, he was given another lovely ovation. While he didn’t receive the fanfare that Yankee great Mariano Rivera did in the 2013 All-Star Game, the earnest but (relatively) understated show of respect seemed appropriate for Jeter. Check out the clips below (please)!

Mariano Rivera’s Retirement Means Metallica’s Out of Work (ESPN)

Here’s a funny ESPN commercial featuring the legendary rock band Metallica. As all of you should know, New York Yankees great Mariano Rivera retired last year. If you’re familiar with the (greatest) closer (of all time), then you know that he entered ballgames to Metallica’s “Enter Sandman.” The gag in the ESPN commercial is that Metallica has been struggling to find work since Rivera’s retirement. There’s even a bit in a break room where guitarist Kirk Hammett tries to get ESPN anchor Stuart Scott to sign up for guitar lessons. Ha! While there have been several great ESPN commercials over the years (love the Pete Sampras one!), this is easily in my top five because, you know, Yankees and Metallica.

Coffee Talk #635: Miami Heat Big Three and Silly Reporting

The NBA free agent rumor mill is in full effect. This year’s offseason is particularly intriguing since the Miami Heat’s “big three” of LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh are free agents. Sports fans — particularly NBA fans — love reading about trade rumors, salary cap wizardry, and potential signings. Thanks to the way social media and Internet reporting have evolved, there’s more free agency content than ever. Unfortunately, there’s also some comically bad reporting. ESPN.com has been guilty of posting articles with some…questionable phrases. Let’s take a look at some of my favorite offenders.

This Brian Windhorst article on Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh opting out of their contracts has been phantom edited, but used to contain the following line:

The move also comes three days after Wade, James and Bosh met at a posh Miami Beach hotel to discuss their futures.

They met at a posh hotel? Really?!? As opposed to their usual meetings at the Miami Red Roof Inn and their super-secret brainstorming sessions at the Miami Best Western?

Another Windhorst special is about LeBron’s future meeting with Miami Heat president Pat Riley. Dude dedicated an entire article to report that the two of them are planning to have a meeting. If that’s not bad enough, check out this line:

Free agent LeBron James is planning a face-to-face meeting with Miami Heat president Pat Riley in the next few days, sources told ESPN.com.

Come on, Windhorst. Did you really need a source to tell you that the two were going to meet IRL. As opposed to their sensitive dealings that usually take place via FaceTime or Skype? The article is pure clickbait. Of course Riley was going to meet with LeBron. Keeping the best player in basketball is obviously high on his list of priorities. And yes, an important meeting like that was always going to be “face-to-face.”

In other “big three” news, here’s a whopping revelation that Chris Bosh is considering signing with the Houston Rockets for the NBA maximum salary. The article has the riveting headline of “Sources: Chris Bosh Considers Offer.” The article is by NBA rumor monger Chris Broussard, who sometimes gets great scoops, but often reports bad information. Here, he plays it safe, dedicating an entire article about Bosh considering getting paid a lot of money. No sh*t he’s considering it.

I know that the Internet has lowered the standards of reporting, but I expect more from ESPN.com. It used to be the place for top-quality sports reporting. For the last couple of years, the number of articles has gone up, but the quality has gone down. Yeah, I know that’s how the Internet works in 2014, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Look at Grantland’s Zach Lowe, for example. His combination of frequency and quality is almost unbelievable. He posts several articles a week and all of them are thoughtful, insightful, and analytical. He doesn’t post clickbait garbage about two people having a meeting or a player thinking about accepting a lucrative contract offer. Lowe’s articles are excellent reads that put information in context and explain — in great detail — the impact of the information. While it’s a shame that ESPN.com has become a bit of a dog, I’m grateful that Grantland is there for high-quality sports reporting.


Welcome to Coffee Talk! Let’s start off the day by discussing whatever is on your (nerd chic) mind. Every morning I’ll kick off a discussion and I’m counting on you to participate in it. If you’re not feelin’ my topic, feel free to start a chat with your fellow readers and see where it takes you. Whether you’re talking about videogames, Rihanna’s Fourth of July nipple dress, wishing someone would go all Project Mayhem on car dealerships, or sweet box mods, Coffee Talk is the place to do it.

Heat vs. Spurs: Your 2014 NBA Finals Predictions

The 2014 NBA Finals look like an outstanding matchup on paper. There are so many great plots and subplots permeating the contest between the Miami Heat and the San Antonio Spurs. You have the old “Big Three” of Duncan, Parker, and Ginobili vs. the current, dominant “Big Three” of James, Wade, and Bosh. You have the best coach in the league (Gregg Popovich) vs. the young half-Filipino mastermind (Erik Spoelstra). The Spurs are still scarred by having the 2013 NBA Championship in their hands and watching it slip away, anxious for redemption in the 2014 NBA Finals. You also have the awesome possibility of Greg Oden winning a championship ring before Kevin Durant, which would be funny just so you can say, “See, that’s exactly what you want in a #1 draft pick.” There are several more stories that make the 2014 NBA Championship so much fun and (in the immortal words from The Goonies) it all starts here.

I’d love to hear your predictions for the 2014 NBA Finals. Who will win and in how many games? Will Tony Parker’s ankle and hamstring hold up longer than Dwyane Wade’s knees? Which players will rise to the occasion? Which ones will flounder? Kindly leave your predictions in the comments section.

As for me, I’m hoping for the San Antonio Spurs in six games. Even though I don’t trust Tony Parker, I’m a big fan of Gregg Popovich’s sense of humor, Tim Duncan’s stoic excellence, Manu Ginobili’s receding hairline, and Marco Belinelli’s uncanny resemblance to a Final Fantasy Tactics supporting character. That said, LeBron James is at the height of his powers and Wade’s knees are healthier than they ought to be. While I’d like to see the 2014 NBA Finals end with the Spurs in six, the Heat in six seems like a more reasonable outcome.

Now it’s your turn. Predictions please!

Coffee Talk #624: Relegation and American Sports (Cleveland Cavaliers)

A few weeks ago, my friend Josh and I were having a conversation about how awesome American sports would be if they copied the relegation system used in Premiere League. For those of you not familiar with relegation, the bottom three teams in Premiere League are demoted to First League. In American sports, this would help the integrity of MLB, NFL, NBA, etc., protecting the leagues against cheapness and incompetence by front office executives.

Speaking of incompetence, the Cleveland Cavaliers…continued

Welcome to Coffee Talk! Let’s start off the day by discussing whatever is on your (nerd chic) mind. Every morning I’ll kick off a discussion and I’m counting on you to participate in it. If you’re not feelin’ my topic, feel free to start a chat with your fellow readers and see where it takes you. Whether you’re talking about videogames, Lindsay Lohan topless in Cannes, Andy Dick being kicked out of the Dancing With the Stars finale, or the end of Masahiro Tanaka’s glorious winning streak, Coffee Talk is the place to do it.

A few weeks ago, my friend Josh and I were having a conversation about how awesome American sports would be if they copied the relegation system used in Premiere League. For those of you not familiar with relegation, the bottom three teams in Premiere League are demoted to First League. In American sports, this would help the integrity of MLB, NFL, NBA, etc., protecting the leagues against cheapness and incompetence by front office executives.

Speaking of incompetence, the Cleveland Cavaliers recently won the number-one pick for the 2014 NBA draft. For those of you not keeping track of this woeful franchise, the Cleveland Cavaliers have had three number-one picks in the last four years. While the team has shown some signs of improvement in the 2013-2014 season, many agree that it’s underperforming due to a mix of poor draft choices (Anthony Bennett), foolish signings (Andrew Bynum), and poor chemistry (loads of rumors about the backcourt starters hating each other).

The sucktitude of the Cleveland Cavaliers isn’t a recent phenomenon either. Longtime fans of the team had to suffer through the reign of Ted Stepien. Many sports fans view Stepien as the worst owner in the history of American sports. Stepien managed the Cleveland Cavaliers so badly — trading high draft picks for middling players — that the NBA had to institute the “Stepien rule” just to contain him.

With all of that in mind, wouldn’t the Cleveland Cavaliers be a perfect team for relegation? Sure, the team didn’t have the worst record in the league, but it should be punished for historical ineptitude. Sending the Cleveland Cavaliers to the NBA D-League for a year ought to shake up the front office. In baseball, the Houston Astros should be relegated to triple-A for essentially serving up a minor league team for other MLB franchises to pick on. I’m sure that you creative guys and gals can think of several examples of American professional sports teams that should be relegated. Kindly pick a sports team or three that you’d like to see relegated and explain your picks in the comments section.

Gregg Popovich + Craig Sager, Jr. = Heartwarming NBA Television

TNT sideline announcer Craig Sager is known for his outlandish suits (pictured below) and cheerful sideline interviews. San Antonio Spurs coach Gregg Popovich is known for his often curt and sometimes surly answers during sideline interviews. The 2014 NBA playoffs feel different without Sager. He’s battling adult acute myeloid leukemia and won’t be reporting for TNT. Sager’s son, Craig, Jr., is filling in for him. Going up against Gregg Popovich has frightened many rookie interviewers (see Charles Barkley clip below) and have left veteran reporters sweating after a two-question chat. However, Craig Sager, Jr.’s interview with Coach Popovich is quite heartwarming.

Many people think of Popovich as mean and/or boring, but he’s deceptively funny (see Shaq clip below) and, in the video above, shows that he has heart. Check out the video and let me know what you think (please!).

Craig Sager