Yes, I’ve finally gotten around to writing an American Idol recap. I’m pretty much doing this for three people, but I hope some of you RPad.tv regulars enjoy it too. Anyway, let’s get on with the false idolatry. Last night was supposed to be the top 10 girls performing, but Crystal Bowersox (and her smoker’s teeth) threw a wrench in those plans by ending up in the hospital. Instead, the guys went a day early. Some of them were good and some of them truly sucked. Either way, an extra day of practice wasn’t going to help any of them. Here’s how it went down.
Michael Lynche “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World”: Big Mike took on a big song by James Brown. I didn’t think he could pull it off because he’s a lovable teddy bear and JB was a lovable bastard. Surprisingly, he started the show off with a strong performance and didn’t have to rely on the “I just had a baby” card. It was a good performance that will surely keep him around for another week. I’m pretty sure that the judges are soft on him because he’s frickin’ huge. Would you criticize a singing version of Michael Clarke Duncan?
John Park “Gravity”: The lone Asian-American male on the show looked extremely nervous or incredibly disinterested (or possibly high) during his pre-performance interview. Dude was totally staring into space instead of flirting with the camera (eye-f*cking the camera gets you at least 10 percent more votes). Park told Ryan Seacrest that he chose this John Mayer song because it’s relevant. Yeah, I’d say gravity is pretty relevant. I was really pulling for Park to succeed but he was completely boring last week and was only slightly better this week. He’ll probably stay around a bit longer, but I doubt he makes the overall top 10.
Casey James “I Don’t Want to Be”: Kara DioGuardi’s object of lust busted out some mean guitar licks on this Gavin DeGraw song. Unfortunately, American Idol is (allegedly) a singing competition and his vocals were flat. He sounded small and several Idol singers from several seasons did a much better job with this song. That said, it wasn’t a bad performance by any means. A decent performance and his looks will keep him on the show a bit longer. Confession: I really like this song and I have no idea why.
Alex Lambert “Everybody Knows”: Lambert revealed that he made up his own language in sixth grade. This kid keeps getting better all the time! His awkward dancing from last week, obvious stage fright, and incredible mullet has made him my favorite contestant so far. He actually has a really good and really unique voice too — as if Rod Stewart’s pipes were transplanted into a younger man. As for his performance…I loved it! I wasn’t expecting an “unplugged” version of John Legend from this kid, but he totally nailed it. I’m pretty confident that he’ll be around for several weeks, but I worry about nerd-hating teenagers overlooking him. He does bear a striking resemblance to Gollum, after all.
Todrick Hall “What’s Love Got to Do With It”: Major sucktitude two weeks in a row from this dancer-singer. Seriously, this kid needs to stick with musicals. He completely sucks as a soloist. He butchered this Tina Turner song with a funky (in a bad way) arrangement and weak vocals. Simon Cowell laid a pretty mean zinger on Todrick by telling him he should dance…and not sing.
Jermaine Sellers “What’s Going On”: The show went from suck to blow with this horrendous rendition of Marvin Gaye’s classic. Sellers should apologize to all of Gaye’s relatives, anyone associated with Motown, and…well, to his parents for embarrassing them. Just when I didn’t think I could dislike Sellers more, he told the judges that he’s safe because he knows God. While I don’t believe in God in the sense that Sellers does, I’m pretty sure He has better things to do than protect crappy American Idol contestants. This guy needs to go!
Andrew Garcia “You Give Me Something”: After wowing the judges during Hollywood Week with an acoustic version of Paula Abdul’s “Straight Up”, this son of an LA gang banger hasn’t impressed. He hasn’t done anything wrong, but he also hasn’t done anything as distinct, original, and good as his “Straight Up” performance. Perhaps he peaked too soon…or perhaps he’s just Danny Gokey Light (with Gokey’s homophobic Christianity replaced with gangta values!).
Aaron Kelly “My Girl”: The judges were right to praise Kelly for his vocals (probably the night’s best) and rail him for an old-fashioned arrangement. Last week they were on him about his confidence. This week they’re on him about not being a distinct artist. The kid is 16! He was disowned by his parents! You really think he’s going to have his sh*t together? I’m impressed that he can walk out on the stage and flash (what appears to be) a genuine smile! Like others have said, Kelly reminds me of David Archuleta. The only difference is that I wanted to beat the crap out of Archuleta whenever he appeared on my television screen. Kelly is way more vulnerable and I feel like I should protect him.
Tim Urban “Come On Get Higher”: This guy shouldn’t be on the show. He was axed once, but got a second chance due to a contestant having a recording contract. He was — by far — the worst performer last week. He’s totally skating by on his looks and I hate all the people that voted for him just because he’s handsome. While he wasn’t as wretched as last week, his performance was still lame. Thankfully (for him) Jermaine Sellers and Todrick Hall made him look better than he actually was. Ellen gave him an awesome backhanded compliment by saying that he should look into acting because he’d excel as a handsome actor that can also (kind of) sing. On a side note, Ellen wasn’t nearly as useless tonight. She actually gave a few pieces of meaningful advice (by Idol standard).
Lee Dewyze “Lips of an Angel”: Another good-but-not-great performance. This guy has a great voice, but his song selection is way off. As Simon likes to say, he was “forgettable”. He did well enough to stick around, but he should be doing better. [Side note for Christian: Doesn’t this guy remind you of Rocker?]
Last but not least is this one-sentence summary of last night’s Idol: The skinny black guys completely bombed.
As luck would have it, my power went off right before 8:00 PM EST and Idol comes on at that time. My house is total electric so I didn't even have heat, but it came back on around 9:00 PM EST so I saw the last half of the show. One thing I want to say is that Ellen is not a good addition to the show. I guess they wanted to replace Paula with comic relief because the ratings were slipping but Ellen does not know what shes talking about and knows nothing about music or singing and her jokes are not funny to me no matter how hard she tries.
@RRODisHere For the most part, Ellen has been a waste of space. She rarely has anything to add. She was better tonight than in the previous episodes.
@Raymond Padilla
Agreed. Also, I saw NXT last night and it was a better show than last week. I still think Wade Barret is the best of the "rookies". He has all the credentials to go far in the WWE. I think Skip, Regal's "rookie", is the second best overall "rookie". Your boy Daniel Bryan is definitely the best in the ring but unfortunately he lacks everything else like mic skills, charisma, personality, appearance, and size. They seem to be putting the most focus on him so I believe they will give him a contract anyway and have one of the other "rookies" win the contest.
@RRODisHere They all have contracts already.
@Raymond Padilla
Oh, yeah. I guess you're right.
@tokz
Yeah, I wasn't thinking there.
@rrod
Sorry for commenting on something rpad mentioned. It wasn't up there when i was typing the post.
@tokz_21 NXT is meant to be seasonal, but how long a "season" lasts has yet to be determined. I think it would be fine if one guy kept getting "left back".
More great people, ladies and gents. It's Wired's Chris Kohler!!!
i definitely agree with you on some major points. i am developing a little crush on lee dewyze despite the fact that i can't stand mainstream american rock music. i think he stands a good chance, but the praise they gave him was out of control — i want him to rise to that level, though.
i still like andrew garcia despite myself. the straight up was pretty amazing but i think to keep repeating and repeating "hey, do this again" is a bit much, though i guess he is sliding downhill. they're definitely much tougher on the contestants that have the chops, which makes sense, but ends up with contestants who are much lamer getting off much easier… kinda unfair. i actually liked the fallout boy track from last week a lot; this week a little more boring, but DAWG YOU CAN SING DAWG.
i was also surprised at big mike's ability to carry the brown tune; i felt that park was a bit dull but the judges were overcritical. he doesn't have the charisma to make it into the top 12, though. i thought casey james was terrible (vocals, guitar was great) and kara, despite her crush, was completely right.
todrick sucks but it's amusing in a VFTWish way; jermaine needs to go, and i agree — the god stuff just made me dislike him more. god does not care about your singing career. so many people use "god", as he does, as an external justification for their tremendously oversized ego — which is the same reason he murders the songs the way he does.
tim urban still can't sing worth a damn, and it's hilarious. VFTW has their champion i think.
alex lambert, on the other hand, is awesome, and the fact that he's so nervous amuses me a great deal. if he can get it together he'll go very far. and i think he'll bring out the maternal instinct in women and girls which = votes!
and i agree that aaron kelly can sing, but that song choice and its arrangement were terrible. of course, yes, he is 16. the problem with a song like that (besides the original being a classic) is that it's been used in a million terrible commercials and movies and is just leeched of all of its emotive power unless you can make it AMAZING. and he didn't even come close. i tuned out. he's also too dorky to make it, though he can top 12 no problem.
More greatness!!! It's Gamasutra's Christian Nutt — a great friend and former roomie.
(On my BlackBerry headed to a potentially cool meeting. )
*deep breath*
I'm just going to say it: Idol sucks this year. Or, excuse me; the Idol *contestants* suck this year. There are a couple of people who are sort of entertaining and the rest of them are total garbage. Vote For The Worst is going to have a difficult time paring them down. This year's winner will be utterly forgotten within months, and will make John Ricciardi's twin brother look like Carrie Underwood by comparison.
I am pulling for Katie Stevens, who grew up a couple miles down the road from me.
@Kohler Yeah, it's a pretty weak batch. I'm hoping that three or four of them will step it up. Alex Lambert has a great voice underneath his Gollum-ish awkwardness. The LA gang banger could be cool, but appears to be fading. A few articles have said that Idol is leaning towards a girl this year. There are three that I think are interesting, but I'm going with Didi because she's cries every 19 seconds.
I admittedly only caught half of the show last night. I'm just not impressed with the contestants this year — male or female.
Additionally, I get irritated that the judges shit on everybody's performance and take no accountability for the fact that they put through all of these people who can't sing.
John Park attends my alma mater so I was cheering for him, but I haven't been impressed either.
@Kohler Btw, I want to beat up John Ricciardi's twin brother every time I see him in a Ford Focus commercial. I wish I had those 50 phone calls back and Adam Lambert won.
@rrod
all the rookies in NXT have contracts. This is just to introduce them to the audience and help build them up until they go to a brand (raw/smackdown)
@rpad
Has vince mentioned how long these NXT guys are going to be in NXT? what if one is “drafted” or “signed” as a free agent to Raw/Smackdown? Do they bring up someone from the developmental circuits?
I read this.