Welcome to Coffee Talk! Let’s start off the day by discussing whatever is on your (nerd chic) mind. Every morning I’ll kick off a discussion and I’m counting on you to participate in it. If you’re not feelin’ my topic, feel free to start a chat with your fellow readers and see where it takes you. Whether you’re talking about videogames, Ka’u Coffee Mill’s semi-washed medium roast, hoping Roger Federer pulls off a U.S. Open victory, or watching injuries take their toll on the Yankees’ season, Coffee Talk is the place to do it.
Unstable molecules. Wolverine’s healing factor. Pym Particles. Those are just a few devices comic-book writers use to explain the inexplicable. Comic-book cop-outs have a long and glorious history. Many readers just accept them; after all, we’re talking about a hobby where you must believe (on some level) that a boy can get great powers from a radioactive-spider bite and a jetpilot can be gifted a magical ring from a dying purple alien. In some cases, they’re just convenient excuses used to explain things that make absolutely no sense. However, there are times when creative writers make the best of a silly situation and make these devices interesting (Geoff Johns excels at this). Let’s take a look at some comic-book cop-outs in today’s Coffee Talk and please share some of your favorites when you have a chance.
Unstable Molecules: Never mind that he took his fiance, fiance’s little brother, and best friend on a hazardous joyride to space. Reed Richards is a frickin’ genius. After his nearest and dearest get bombarded with cosmic rays — giving them four fantastically different super-powers — Richards developed unstable molecules. When used in a fabric, these molecules can adapt to cover up all kinds of powers. They turn invisible when the Invisible Woman uses her powers. They stretch when Mr. Fantastic uses his. They’re impervious to the extreme heat generated by the Human Torch. They also hide the Thing’s embarrassing rock boners.
Wolverine’s Healing Factor: Wolverine is popular because he’s a bad-ass (and Canadian…the world loves Canadians). One of the primary reasons that he’s a bad-ass is because he can take a beating due to his vaunted healing factor. It protects him from virtually any injury conceivable in hand-to-hand combat. It makes it difficult for him to get drunk and prevents cigars from giving him cancer. Most conveniently, it fights off any side effects from having (a fictitious) metal bonded to his bones. When said metal was briefly removed from Wolvie’s body, his healing factor kicked into overdrive. It was said that the only way to really kill him in bestial form was to chop off his head and get it very far away from his body so he couldn’t reattach it. Uh huh.
Pym Particles: When he’s not busy creating evil robots that continuously try (and fail) to take over the world, Hank Pym has fun with Pym Particles. These particles are responsible for his various size-changing aliases (Ant Man, Giant Man, Goliath, etc.). They allow the user to lose or gain mass, storing or receiving said mass in an alternate dimension (which must suck for the occupants of that dimension, what with all the appearing and disappearing mass). They’re also versatile enough to allow Pym to graft wasp-like wings onto his significant other. The kicker is that the wings only appear when she shrinks. Pym Particles have been known to cause schizophrenia and wife beating, as illustrated by Dr. Pym himself.
The Multiverse: DC has the grandaddy of all comic-book cop-outs with the multiverse. On one hand, it allows storytellers creative freedom by having different versions of superheroes exist in different universes. On the other hand, it’s hard to keep track of all the happenings on Earth One, Earth Two, Earth Scarlett Johansson, etc. The multiverse has been used to create big events that generated big sales (Crisis on Infinite Earths, Infinite Crisis). It also allowed characters purchased from other comic book companies to be integrated into the proper DC Universe. The company has used the multiverse as an excuse to wipe the slate clean, which has angered many purists while also making books more accessible to new fans and liberating writers from the shackles of (sometimes ridiculous) continuity. What worked and what was cool in the ’70s might not work in 2012. Need to get rid of something silly while generating more sales? Use a multiverse summer crossover!
The Lazarus Pit: Batman foe R’as al Ghul discovered a restorative phenomenon that he calls The Lazarus Pit. It has allowed him to live for centuries, amass tremendous knowledge, and grow some nifty facial hair. It doesn’t matter how old R’as gets or if he picks up any STDs (hey, it happens to everyone that has lived for centuries). A swim in a Lazarus Pit will wipe away any ailments he suffers from. It can also be used to bring people back from the dead (see Todd, Jason). Repeated use of the Lazarus Pit may lead to megalomaniacal delusions and an addiction to wearing capes. Please consult your doctor before using a Lazarus Pit.
Anyway, those are a few comic-book cop-outs that have been bugging me for decades. I’d love to hear about some of your favorites. Please leave a comment when you have a chance!
I would like to have a Lazarus Pit in my master bathroom where the unused garden tub is.
Oh and midochlorians. Not a comic sorry.
Midi-chlorians is actually a stranger case. The force was a mystical thing that didn’t need to be explained. I have no idea why they decided to give it power levels.
They unnecessarily provided a way to quantify someone’s ability with the force, and then used it to clearly show that young anakin was way off the charts. People are used to hearing that someone is “off the charts” as a way to qualify someone as great at something. This makes it justfiable from a script writers point of view that an audience can be clearly fed a reason that is easy to see (similar to how everyone in movies/tv uses flip phones, because it is easy to show a call start/end by opening and closing a phone instead of using smartphone like people mostly have now). However, it was never something needed to be quantified and could have just as easily stayed mystical.
I know “why” it was done literally. It just seems stupid to me…as if George Lucas started watching Dragon Ball Z and said, “I think they’re onto something with these power levels.” The comic-book stuff in the column covers devices that are used to explain things that can’t be explained. Midi-chlorians were used to explain something that just didn’t need explaining. It still makes me sad.
I liked to think of it as something that started as an inside joke, but materialized into a genuine query.
Basically, somebody asked George Lucas “Why does Vader say ‘the Force is strong’ with Luke while Luke barely knows how to hold a lightsaber? I mean, does he go to Han Solo and say ‘The Force is NOT strong with this one’? How is the force strong with Luke and not other people?”
Yeah like I said I agree it didn’t really need to be explained, but N8R did have a good point that it could also answer why the force is detectably ‘strong’ with Luke early on. I always wish I could get the chance to ask him about what led him to make some of the choices he did with the story.
His force level…it’s over 9,000!!!
The Multiverse is definitely confusing. Of course Marvel has this as well, but I believe almost everything that happens in Marvel takes place in 616, which is the original Marvel universe. Nevertheless it can get a little confusing.
Another thing I don’t like is how, I’m pretty sure, Captain America’s shield is now magical or mystical in some way. Whatever the reason, it seemed just fine being only vibranium before.
Kryptonite as a whole.
If there was no kryptonite, there would be no plot or antithesis to any Superman story. Therefore, over the years, it has become a crutch for ridiculous circumstances.
He’s also weak against magic…for reasons that have been baffling me for years.
So that Shazam and Black Adam would have a leg up on him sometime?
Yes, but it also gives crap villains like Silver Banshee a chance against him.
Dont forget mxyzptlk
I disagree that there would be no plot or antithesis; Lex Luthor is still his perfect villain. Superman is not one of my favorites, but he will probably be the one big superhero that could still be around centuries from now. I’m also pretty sure that kryptonite is is not a factor in Red Son or All-Star Superman, which two very popular stories, although not in any continuity. It is possible to create good stories without using kryptonite, but it would be near impossible to have a series go on for this long without some sort of cop-out like this. It still is a big cop-out, I do believe that; but I don’t believe it is accurate to say there would be no plot or antithesis to any Superman story without kryptonite.
What about the DC flashpoint storyline that gave us the New 52. There really wasnt a need to start everything and everyone over but they did.
That’s debatable. Certainly readers like you and me didn’t want a reboot, but it created new interest and increased sales.
Wait is this sarcastic topic line? Cuz im actually digging the new 52. Remember i had been out of the loop for comics for awhile. Did u get a peek at GL 0? I’m not sure what to think 5 lanterns from the planet earth. I always thought it was two lanterns per sector.
I like some of it, but there were some things dropped from before that I miss.
It is two per sector, but they gave out special designations to Kyle and Guy. It’s kind of like how Salakk has a special job and doesn’t patrol a sector.
Not sure if this is a cop-out or not, but it really bugs the hell out of me when non-superpowered people dodge/evade bullets and/or fight normally against superpowered people.
Think Batman and Daredevil. I can swallow the “fact” that DD can hear a gun clicking dozens of feet away, but if I get three or four guys to rapid-fire at the same time, I don’t care who you are, the guy is going to get a few bullets in him and he is going to die.
Batman gets to the point of ridiculousness when I see him fighting Darkside or punching Superman or some other stupid thing. I don’t care how many toys he has, nothing is going to save his ribs from all being broken by being thrown against a concrete wall by a super villain that Superman has problems dealing with. It’s also ironically amusing that DC paints Bats to be the “dark brains” behind the JLA operation since he has secret files on all of his teammates weaknesses just in case they get out of hand. That’s pretty funny knowing that Batman’s weakness is pretty much anything that can kill you or me. Batman is impervious to nothing. Even if you accept the Batman that wears a bulletproof vest, I’m surprised that no one has tried to shoot him in the face. Oh wait, I forgot, he is the only normal person in the world that can dodge bullets or throw baterangs incredibly accurate and with enough force to make every single thug drop their gun before they get a shot off… or sometimes after he dodges enough bullets.
The other “exaggerations” like Hulk’s strength, Logan’s healing powers, and Pym Particles are just natural evolutions of stories needing to get bigger and better, so with each passing year, things get a little more exaggerated in order to up the ante. It does get annoying sometimes, but it’s nowhere near as “deal breaking” as regular people going toe-to-toe with overpowered meta-humans, mutants, or aliens.
-M
But but but he was trained by the finest martial artists in…ah never mind. He has no business even glancing at Darkseid.