Random Thoughts (Not a Review!) on Clash of the Titans 3D

Last night I caught a screening of Clash of the Titans in 3D. I loved the original movie. Sure, it was a total cheeseball take on  Greek mythology, but it was completely cool to a third-grader (I think that’s when I saw it). The movie immortalized Harry Hamlin (in my mind, anyway) and cemented Burgess Meredith as a legend (name another actor that could portray a gritty boxing trainer, a Batman villain, and a Greek philosopher!). With all of that in mind, I was a little scared of this remake. I was also a little scared of seeing a 3D movie (I’m pretty sure the last one I saw was Captain Eo). While some of the movie was fun and other parts cool, I left the theater with a profound sense of, “Well…that was okay.”

Here are some random thoughts (not a review!) on the movie:

– The action and pacing were mostly good. Some of the fight scenes were cool, if not outstanding. The movie moved briskly and didn’t drag at all.

– Liam Neeson as Zeus was…interesting. He was wearing Medieval armor in several of his scenes. It was puzzling and distracting. Why was a Greek god wearing Arthurian armor?!?

– Ralph Fiennes as Hades wasn’t the best. He was far more threatening as Lord Voldemort in the Harry Potter movies. He often traveled as a streak of smoke, which he also did better as Voldemort.

– As expected, there were several hackneyed contrivances. The Djinn conveniently show up to bail Perseus and his crew out of a battle and give them a ride to the Stygian witches. They conveniently piss off after hearing a foreboding prophecy, which conveniently (again) left a small gang to tackle Medusa. Pegasus also shows up as the clock is ticking down.

– The whole quest had a poor man’s Lord of the Rings feel to it. Instead of three movies about walking to a volcano, it was one movie with a bunch of people walking to different places. In videogame terms, 70 percent of the movie was a fetch quest.

– I understand that Perseus is supposed to be a demigod, but he goes from hearty fisherman to inexperienced swordsman to acrobatic genius in a span of 20 minutes.

– Who knew that Pegasus was black? I didn’t.

– Sam Worthington was a nice, gruff hero, but he had no charisma. Harry Hamlin was far more charming as Perseus. The good news is that I won’t remember Worthington in this role whereas Harry Hamlin will always be Perseus to me. For example, L.A. Law = Perseus Becomes a Lawyer.

– Gemma Artertron looked beautiful as Io, but she also left me thinking about The Lord of the Rings. I was all, “They couldn’t afford Liv Tyler so they got this British chick.” To be fair, she was probably the most interesting character in the whole movie.

– Purists will have a problem with the Perseus/Io romance. This did not happen in the Greek myths. I want to see a Greek mythology fanboy go ballistic on this change. I can picture two 70-year olds having a “Greedo shot first!” argument about this.

– The 3D effects were mostly stupid. There were a few times when they were used to create a cool sense of depth, but most of the effects were corny and didn’t add anything to the movie. Some of the scenes shoved 3D down my throat to the point where I just had to laugh.

– There were at least five different accents among Perseus’ crew. It wasn’t Kevin-Costner-as-Robin-Hood distracting, but it was close.

– The Cracken in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies was more threatening than the one in this film. It was cool when it was flailing around its tentacles, but its face reminded me of Aliens (my friend thought it was more like Godzilla).

Ultimately, I enjoyed the movie, but struggled to remember why after it was done. I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it if I had to pay $10 for it. The 3D didn’t work for me and I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it on a 3D television. That said, it’s the kind of movie that I’d probably watch if I happened to stumble upon it while channel surfing.

Anyway, let me know what your thoughts on the movie are. Were any of you interested in seeing it? Does anyone else love the original as much as I do? Unleash the Cracken!!!