Finally…it’s time for WrestleMania XXVIII!!! Big thanks to RPadholic Iceman for his super-generous offer of bringing me to the biggest show in all of entertainment. Sadly, I did the fiscally responsible thing and chose to stay home instead of witnessing pro-wrestling history. Now back to the script — WWE’s biggest show of the year takes place this weekend and there are loads of great matches on the card. Who do you think will win? Let’s go down the list together and when we’re done, please share your WrestleMania predictions in the comments section…if you smell, what The Ray is cooking.
Team Laurinaitis vs. Team Long: This is the let’s-cram-in-as-many-people-that-deserve-a-WrestleMania-payday match. As a fan of actual wrestling, it really bugged me that the battling general managers received more of a buildup rather than actual wrestlers. I’m going to give Laurinaitis’ team the nod here. Long’s character is just boring. The artist formerly known as Johnny Ace can be a great heel in small doses. For the sake a future programming, Team Laurinaitis should win.
Randy Orton vs. Kane: The “angle” explanation for this match still doesn’t make a ton of sense. In reality, it’s like when Eddie Guerrero and Raymond Stereo Rey Mysterio wrestled each other at WrestleMania; the two didn’t have a real program going on, but trusted each other to make a great match. That’s what’s going on with Orton and Kane, but on a lower level. Orton should get the win here so he can reposition himself as a main-event wrestler for the rest of 2012 while Kane goes back to elevating others.
Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix and Eve: I’m going with the good girls in this one. It’s a throwaway match, but the mainstream guest should win. Man, the thought of a Beth-and-Eve menage sounds awesome. Wait, did I say that out loud?!?
Cody Rhodes vs. The Big Show: Dusty’s son has come a long way and has really developed as a heel. Show is already established. I think Cody gets the win here and furthers Show’s reputation as a WrestleMania joke, but not without some shenanigans.
CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho: This should be one of the two best matches of the night from a technical perspective. Both of these guys can flat-out go. Jericho has demonstrated that he doesn’t need a belt to get over. However, I think Punk as champion isn’t quite as edgy and entertaining as he once was. This is a tough one to call. I think Punk would be better off chasing a belt for several months. Jericho could be the transitional champion, waiting for Cena and Orton post-WrestleMania. I’ll go with Jericho, but will probably change my mind several times before Sunday.
Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus: I can’t be objective about this match at all. I’m a longtime Bryan Danielson fan and want him to have a long title reign as the “Yes! Yes! Yes!!!” World Heavyweight Champion. Plus, his storyline girlfriend AJ Lee is just about perfect. I hope Danielson gets the win, but I don’t think he will. Sheamus is simply more marketable. The good news is that this match has a ton of potential to be the show-stealer.
The Undertaker vs. Triple H: Unless Hunter gets caught up in narcissistic rage and books himself to win, it makes no sense for ‘Taker’s streak to end. 20-0, with some possible interference from “The Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels. Damn I miss that guy….
The Rock vs. John Cena: I don’t see why you’d give The Rock a victory here. Yes, he played football in Miami and he’s slated to appear at WrestleMania XXIX, but I don’t think you put him over a full-time wrestler. Although I greatly prefer The Rock over Cena, you have to book the guy that actually wrestles on a weekly basis as the winner. Then again, I’ve been hearing rumors of The Miz interfering, causing Cena to lose (while protecting his stature) and setting up a Miz vs. Cena program…which is kind of weird because six weeks ago I was hearing that management hasn’t been happy with The Miz and was pushing him out. *shrug*
Anyway, the final match of WrestleMania always ends with the face winning so that the crowd can go home happy. The problem here is that both of these guys appeal to different parts of the audience. Do you send the smarks and older fans home happy (Rock)? Or do you make sure the women and children leave with smiles on their faces (Cena)?
No problem, man. I'll bring my camera and take some pictures. Hopefully, I'll get to see something good.
It would be nice to see which one of your predictions come true.
-M
I volunteer myself to go in Rpad's place :D
The only reason I could see Taker losing if it's how he wants to retire. However, I doubt it's likely.
As for the Rock and Cena, I could see Rocky winning since it would send more people home happy. He's slated to be back on Raw come Monday, but then he's off to film 2 movies. After that, I read a possibility of him coming back around SummerSlam. Either way, far be it from the WWE to do something that doesn't make sense, right? (Insert list of stupid things here).
Other than that, I agree, but I think Punk will win and more likely lose the belt on a coming Raw, or possibly next PPV.
"Man, the thought of a Beth-and-Eve menage sounds awesome. Wait, did I say that out loud?!?" Technically no you did not, so you are safe (unless you spoke this out loud to yourself) :) .
Also, I'm curious- do you find wrestling more fun from the perspective of not knowing what is going on inside the actual business of it all, or with knowing things before a match even starts, such as "six weeks ago I was hearing that management hasn’t been happy with The Miz and was pushing him out. *shrug*"?
From my perspective… I don't have a choice. I've been watching wrestling for so long that I can watch 1 Raw and give you an outline of what's going to happen for the next 6 weeks with at least 70% accuracy.
The thing is, there are the mark fans, and the true fans. The true fans see it for the choreographed art that it is (don't even try to argue that it's not art) and enjoy that while the mark fans believe the kayfabe (or artificial reality). My wife's aunt and uncle for example now hate me because I proved to them that Miss Elizabeth was NOT Hulk Hogan's sister in real life and that the Undertaker actually lives in Texas instead of in a graveyard in Death Valley.
So, once you transcend the storylines and see wrestling for what it really is, the enjoyability of the industry takes on a totally new shape and renders your question moot. If you noticed, the questions Ray has and posited are more to the degree of "how will the show play out from here" as opposed to "how will wrestler A be able to show his face if he loses to wrestler B".
Your aunt and uncle thought that wrestling is real?… or that the names/relationships/personalities are real?
Did they seriously think that there are parents out there that would name their boy "Undertaker" or "Hulk?" Do they think that The Rock acts like his persona 24/7? That would be hilarious, by the way… especially if they get his order wrong at a McDonald’s or something.
-M
First off, they aren't MY aunt and uncle, they are my wife's (or my aunt and uncle-in-laws).
Furthermore… "Yes" to all of that with one exception… the word "thought" is past tense, they STILL DO think wrestling is real because I was ultimately unsuccessful in convincing them. They are in their 40's by the way.
What was really funny was all the things they tried to point at to convince me it was real. I can't even begin to remember all of them, but they were things like the Mankind/Undertaker Hell in a Cell and why certain people looked so mad when they lost or certain loud sounds that were made. The funniest one was "If it's not real, then where do they buy those outfits? You can't get those at Walmart!".
Wow. That's…nuts.
It's actually more fun for me with a bit of understanding about the process. It's similar to how I appreciate Saturday Night Live, even the casts that are considered bad. The weekly writing process, booking individual shows, booking angles, building to a PPV, etc is pretty cool. However, it also makes some WWE decision frustrating. The creative department has been terribly inconsistent.
WM28 results and discussion in Monday's Coffee Talk!
I just sent you some pictures of the event. They are not great, but I thought you'd like to see a few. Shemus really stands out thanks to his natural contrast against pretty much any backgruond that is not the sun.
-M