From the home office in Bonifacio Global City, Manila comes “The Top 10 List of Things I’m Happy I DIDN’T Do at My Father’s Wake and Funeral.”
10 — Sing “Dad in a Box” after seeing the box-shaped urn picked for my Dad. #JustinTimberlake
9 — Shout ,”The power of Christ compels you!!!” when it was my turn to splash the urn with holy water. #Exorcist
8 — Crash the wake next door so that I could snag some of the lumpia from their food spread.
7 — Call my eulogy speech a “eugoogly” as an homage to Derek #Zoolander.
6 — Crash the wake two doors down for a chance to hit on the really cute girl in attendance.
5 — During my eulogy speech say, “I consider everyone here family. And when I say family, I don’t mean blood relations. I mean it the way Vin Diesel says it in the Fast & Furious movies, which I think is more meaningful.” (Also, another Derek Zoolander homage)
4 — Drop the mic after my eulogy speech and say, “Crushed it.”
3 — Take the communion bread and tell the priest, “Thanks for the food, stupid!” #HoneyBadger
2 — Ask if you could follow my cousin’s beautiful performance of “Home” from The Wiz with a crappy but hilarious rendition of “Ease on Down the Road” from The Wiz.
1 — Forget to thank my Dad for the wonderful life he blessed me with.