Finally…it’s time for WrestleMania XXVIII!!! Big thanks to RPadholic Iceman for his super-generous offer of bringing me to the biggest show in all of entertainment. Sadly, I did the fiscally responsible thing and chose to stay home instead of witnessing pro-wrestling history. Now back to the script — WWE’s biggest show of the year takes place this weekend and there are loads of great matches on the card. Who do you think will win? Let’s go down the list together and when we’re done, please share your WrestleMania predictions in the comments section…if you smell, what The Ray is cooking.
Team Laurinaitis vs. Team Long: This is the let’s-cram-in-as-many-people-that-deserve-a-WrestleMania-payday match. As a fan of actual wrestling, it really bugged me that the battling general managers received more of a buildup rather than actual wrestlers. I’m going to give Laurinaitis’ team the nod here. Long’s character is just boring. The artist formerly known as Johnny Ace can be a great heel in small doses. For the sake a future programming, Team Laurinaitis should win.
Randy Orton vs. Kane: The “angle” explanation for this match still doesn’t make a ton of sense. In reality, it’s like when Eddie Guerrero and
Raymond Stereo Rey Mysterio wrestled each other at WrestleMania; the two didn’t have a real program going on, but trusted each other to make a great match. That’s what’s going on with Orton and Kane, but on a lower level. Orton should get the win here so he can reposition himself as a main-event wrestler for the rest of 2012 while Kane goes back to elevating others.
Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix and Eve: I’m going with the good girls in this one. It’s a throwaway match, but the mainstream guest should win. Man, the thought of a Beth-and-Eve menage sounds awesome. Wait, did I say that out loud?!?
Cody Rhodes vs. The Big Show: Dusty’s son has come a long way and has really developed as a heel. Show is already established. I think Cody gets the win here and furthers Show’s reputation as a WrestleMania joke, but not without some shenanigans.
CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho: This should be one of the two best matches of the night from a technical perspective. Both of these guys can flat-out go. Jericho has demonstrated that he doesn’t need a belt to get over. However, I think Punk as champion isn’t quite as edgy and entertaining as he once was. This is a tough one to call. I think Punk would be better off chasing a belt for several months. Jericho could be the transitional champion, waiting for Cena and Orton post-WrestleMania. I’ll go with Jericho, but will probably change my mind several times before Sunday.
Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus: I can’t be objective about this match at all. I’m a longtime Bryan Danielson fan and want him to have a long title reign as the “Yes! Yes! Yes!!!” World Heavyweight Champion. Plus, his storyline girlfriend AJ Lee is just about perfect. I hope Danielson gets the win, but I don’t think he will. Sheamus is simply more marketable. The good news is that this match has a ton of potential to be the show-stealer.
The Undertaker vs. Triple H: Unless Hunter gets caught up in narcissistic rage and books himself to win, it makes no sense for ‘Taker’s streak to end. 20-0, with some possible interference from “The Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels. Damn I miss that guy….
The Rock vs. John Cena: I don’t see why you’d give The Rock a victory here. Yes, he played football in Miami and he’s slated to appear at WrestleMania XXIX, but I don’t think you put him over a full-time wrestler. Although I greatly prefer The Rock over Cena, you have to book the guy that actually wrestles on a weekly basis as the winner. Then again, I’ve been hearing rumors of The Miz interfering, causing Cena to lose (while protecting his stature) and setting up a Miz vs. Cena program…which is kind of weird because six weeks ago I was hearing that management hasn’t been happy with The Miz and was pushing him out. *shrug*
Anyway, the final match of WrestleMania always ends with the face winning so that the crowd can go home happy. The problem here is that both of these guys appeal to different parts of the audience. Do you send the smarks and older fans home happy (Rock)? Or do you make sure the women and children leave with smiles on their faces (Cena)?