Coffee Talk #568: If You Could Decimate One Band….

On Valentine’s Day, I was having a fun drunken conversation about bands and musical artists that you wished were erased from existence. A lot of the candidates brought up were whiny male singer/songwriters. For some reason, on this day of love there was a lot of hate for Jason Mraz. Partially for his music and partially for being a man-whore, John Mayer was brought up a lot. I actually don’t mind either of those guys. “I’m Yours” is a cute and catchy song, while I totally admire Mayer’s man-whore prowess. My choice for the band that I wished were erased from existence was easy: Ace of Basemore

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On Valentine’s Day, I was having a fun drunken conversation about bands and musical artists that you wished were erased from existence. A lot of the candidates brought up were whiny male singer/songwriters. For some reason, on this day of love there was a lot of hate for Jason Mraz. Partially for his music and partially for being a man-whore, John Mayer was brought up a lot. I actually don’t mind either of those guys. “I’m Yours” is a cute and catchy song, while I totally admire Mayer’s man-whore prowess. My choice for the band that I wished were erased from existence was easy: Ace of Base.

I love Sweden. It’s a beautiful country that has produced many fine things. The number of gorgeous Swedish models is mind boggling. The country birthed three of my favorite tennis players of all time: Bjorn Borg, Mats Wilander, and Stefan Edberg. Ikea has furnished the homes of many young people that can’t afford “real” furniture. I’ve always loved the look and quality of Volvo automobiles. One of the best times of my life was hanging out in Oslo with clients, sledding down a short hill that ended in a hot spring. With all of that in mind, it’s disheartening that such a wonderful country — one that gave us the glorious Abba! — produced a band that scores millions of nightmares.

I hate everything about Ace of Base. The music is grating. The image is artificial. “All That She Wants” and “The Sign” are rumored to be used in Guantanamo Bay torture sessions. If I had the power of time travel, one of the first things I would do is prevent the formation of this horrendous band. I’m certain that it would snag me a Novel Peace Prize.

How about you? If you could eradicate one band or musical act from the face of existence, who would it be and why?

Author: RPadTV

https://rpad.tv

32 thoughts on “Coffee Talk #568: If You Could Decimate One Band….”

  1. Wow… is it my birthday or something? Because this Coffee Talk is right down N8R alley.

    It’s actually really hard to pick just one. As a musician myself, I have to consider the Butterfly Effect as well. For example, if I picked the Beatles (which I’ve gone on record several times admonishing), I’d have to realize that I’m now getting rid of half of or more of the rock bands since the Beatles. Getting rid of Ace of Base would eliminate alot of brit-pop… but oh well.

    There is one band I truly think has done nothing worth while before or since so that erasing them from existence would not only improve music as a whole, but also probably the economy and ethics. That band… is The Grateful Dead.

    I f–king HATE the Dead. Their music is stupid to put it mildly. I know many people whom toured with the Dead and if they had not, they’d be in much better positions right now. The ones who ended up out of the fog and made something of themselves, either think “what the hell was I thinking” or admit it had nothing to do with the music and could have just as easily been another band (like Steppenwolf) that they decided to fawn over and hold their travelling drug rallies with.

    Yes… Grateful Dead… Final Answer.

    1. For some reason, this comment reminded me of this:

      but when I checked, they were poking LMFAO, not Black Eyed Peas. Oh well, it’s all the same shit to me. I honestly can’t tell the difference between all of “those” types of music.

      -M

  2. Easy answer: anything new that isn’t metal.

    I’d have to say Grateful Dead. Their music sucks. I don’t get the infatuation with their shitty music much like people who love the Beatles. However the Grateful Dead get the top spot. I mean what the fuck is their music? It’s a bunch of shit noise. It’s stupid. I’d throw Tool in there as well. Their music sucks to me and I’d be grateful…if it never existed.

    So yeah..Grateful Dead.

    1. I never really thought much of GD (like Ray said, they were just “there”), but I do agree with you on the “anything that isn’t metal” thing with the exception of those damn “throaters” that don’t know what they are doing. Projecting the deepest, guttural noise your body can muster and spiting it (literally) into a microphone is a tricky type of vocal art that 90% of those bands can’t do, but think they can.

      Also, I’m going to use my “Ace of Base” defense for the Tool CD I “bought” and burned on my iPod. I liked a couple of their songs so I figured the album would be good, but when I heard the rest of it, I was like “WTF is this?” It’s just weird listening to a bunch of random noises. I really wouldn’t mind if it was, you know, actually good.

      -M

    1. But, but, without auto tune, we wouldn’t have this masterpiece:

      And, yes, it was filmed in Miami… or rather, just off the shores of Miami… in front of the Biscayne area… where the AA Arena is located… where Ray Allen plays. ;)

      -M

  3. I’m surprise that a few of you chose The Grateful Dead. I was never a fan, but they always seemed just…there to me. The Dead fans that I knew liked them more for the drugs and partying than the music.

  4. Crap. I’m going to be the odd man out on this one. I only have a problem with Mayer when his stupid songs get stuck in my head. Aside from that, he seems like the kind of guy you’d want to hang out with (see the Dave Chapelle skit with Mayer). As far as Ace of Base goes; I will admit that I think that was like one of the only two CDs I ever bought when I was a teenager. Throw your stones if you will, but remember that back in the day, music to me were like movies… there is no such thing as a bad one because you are being exposed to everything and everything is new and shiny (until you watched Batman & Robin).

    Moving on, I would have to wipe out KISS from the face of the Earth and the Earth will thank me for it. I’m sorry, but I had the misfortune to buy into their image before actually associating songs with them. This is a band that would have faded into obscurity (or at the very least “one-hit-wonder” status) if not for their stupid costumes. They have an image that I would rather relate to Megadeth or Slayer, but their music is bubble-gum 70’s pop rock (which should totally be a new kind of candy, by the way). I like to think that their marketing is what made them popular, because if it really was their music, then I fear there is no hope for the future of this country.

    -M

    By the way, where the hell is Korn and Rage Against the Machine? Did they fall off the face of the Earth, or am I just in the dark since Miami has ABSOLUTELY no rock station any more on the air? Down here is 45% Latin shit, 45% hip-hop shit, and 10% easy-listening/oldies shit. This, unfortunately, is not an exaggeration or joke.

    1. You should go buy a new head unit for your Explorer and stream Pandora from your iPhone. You can also pay for the smartphone satellite radio and stream it via iPhone with your stereo. I recommend a USB port.

      Yes Kiss is a 70s suck band.

    2. @ KISS

      This may not seem the case at the moment, but KISS is actually responsible for an ASSLOAD of influence since. AC/DC, Van Halen, and Motley Crue all had their first tours with KISS. What bands would not exist if those bands didn’t exist? This includes Pantera, And as we can all agree, a world where Pantera never existed is no place we want to be.

      Also, the way KISS approached the live rock show has sent ripples ever since. There really is very few rock bands today or for the past 30 years that you can’t point out something in their show and say “KISS did that first”.

      1. I actually respect KISS for being self aware and business savvy. They acknowledge that their music isn’t the best, yet have sold out large arenas for decades. The marketing and longevity is impressive.

        Also, for the record, Spin Doctors was my #2 pick.

      2. Well, I can’t knock them for the show… in fact, I think that is kind of my point. Inclusive of their great marketing abilities is the spectacle of their show. It’s just one of the many things that distracted me (and thousands of others) from their actual music because the actual music is crap. Deep down, I think they knew that too so they decided to put on a huge pyrotechnical event. This along with their marketing muscle that includes lunch boxes, toys and a cartoon Christmas special let us know that KISS is not so much as a good musical band, but rather “audio/visual entertainers”. Kind of like what the WWE is to actual Olympic-style wrestling. Because as entertaining as CM Punk is, you know that he will never win an actual Greco-Roman match. Apply that analogy to KISS.

        Also, (although we will never really know unless we get a hold of that gizmo from the show Sliders) I like to think that we live in a world that would have ushered in the birth of bands like Pantera, Van Halen, Motley Crue and AC/DC EVENTUALLY even if KISS would have never existed. The way I see it is just because you are the first to do it doesn’t mean that it will never, ever happen later on down the line. Like if Tesla hadn’t harnessed the power of electricity when he did, I’m relatively sure that someone somewhere down the line would have eventually done it. Sure, it wouldn’t be in the same manner and history would have unfolded a bit differently, but at the end of the day, your house will have outlets that work one way or another.

        -M

      3. Over the weekend, I put on Ace Ventura Pet Detective for my 10 year old thinking he was old enough to appreciate it. Upon watching it with him, I thought of you when I realized “This fictional movie made in 1992 is the closest the Dolphins have come to the Super Bowl since 1984”.

        Anyway… “Beth” is a good song. Granted, the drummer wrote and sang it, but it’s still considered a KISS song. I’m also partial to Detroit Rock City. Other than that… no, not really a fan.

        I did see them live once though. It happened to be the one tour they did without makeup (Hot In The Shade) and it was raining to all hell at an outdoor venue so… I can’t even say I had a good time. However… when I mention this to the LA metalheads out here, they’re like “Dude… I wish I could’ve seen that tour.”

      4. “This fictional movie made in 1992 is the closest the Dolphins have
        come to the Super Bowl since 1984”

        That mad me sad.

        Well, I hope your kid enjoyed the scene where Marino kisses a “dude”.

        Anyway, I see KISS as the 70’s version of “The Monkeys” only in reverse.

        -M

    1. For shame. That is surprising coming from you. Light My Fire sounds a lot better when you listen to it stoned (or so I hear). People are Strange is practically meant for acid trippers and Riders on the Storm is the song you want to be listening to right before you pass out from the heroin. Seriously, man. You must not really have any of the good stuff in Chicago.

      Well, if you can forgive my actually buying an Ace of Base CD, then I guess I can forgive you for not liking The Doors.

      -M

  5. @ray

    John Mayer can play the hell out of a guitar, he gets props for that, at least.

    Ace of Base is a special kind of terrible, I will grant you that. That being said, they were simply epitomical of many pop bands in the 90’s who were here for awhile, annoyed us, and then left. I wouldn’t suggest that Ace of Base negatively affected pop culture or society in general, I would classify them merely as an ephemeral irritation, You could have as easily said Chumbawumba, or Third Eye Blind.

    @Grateful dead

    Full disclosure, I actually dig a few Dead songs, but I wouldn’t say that I was a fan. Luckily for me, Jerry died while I was still too young to get caught up. Nate’s comment was spot on about those people who toured with the Dead, and who ultimately suffered for it. However, I don’t think that The Grateful Dead win the award for worst influence on pop culture. Dead fans are generally smart, caring, interesting people. They weren’t the most motivated, but in the end, what harm was done? I will totally agree that the music was of tertiary importance, at best. It was more about people being together, doing drugs, and connecting with each other. I get why people who have jobs and responsibilities look at them with disdain, but they aren’t bothering anyone…maybe that is just the libertarian in me speaking.

    @tool

    Agree to disagree. Tool has done some brilliant work.

    @Pink Floyd

    I’ve said this 1000 times, but they are my favorite band. Like Tool, though, they have some horrible songs. I’d rather listen to any tool cd then any of Floyd’s first three Syd Barrett-led albums, just sayin.

    @The doors

    Thank you Tokz….the doors suck. Jim Morrison is the most overrated lead man in the history of music. Dude couldn’t sing, didn’t play any instruments, and every one of their songs sounded the same. They were popular because girls wanted to have sex with him. Their music sucked, he was Adam Levine before Adam Levine was Adam Levine. If I could picks two bands to eradicate, I’d probably choose the doors.

    @Kiss

    they also suck

    @topic (finally)

    Let’s go on a voyage of discovery….It starts with some of the worst music ever written. Music which has spawned an entire sub-culture of makeup wearing, gangsta white boys (yes, BOYS). Swarms of young men who can’t negotiate the spelling of the word “they’re” or the use of birth control. A seemingly endless supply of losers, who affectionately refer to themselves as “juggalos”….whatever the fuck that means. Yes, I am talking about the INSANE CLOWN POSSE. A band whose mere existence suggest there are actually people brain dead enough to both identify with and want to emulate a group of fat 40 year old white men who rap while also wearing clown makeup.

    Now, much like the aforementioned Grateful Dead, or even bands like Dave Mathews, Phish, or even Jimmy Buffett, people go to these concerts for the “experience”. It turns out that with ICP, that experience includes such activities such as glue sniffing, conspicuous homophobia, and having sex in the bathroom, often with immediate family!

    It’s this kind of shrewd breeding that can ensure both a generational following for rapping white clowns, and the future survival of the American Tea Party.

    1. In defense of the “going for the experience” thing… Gwar rules. Granted, the have had an insane amount of talent that is often overshadowed by the amazing experience that is a Gwar show.

      In fact, the first time I heard of ICP, my reaction was “You guys make fun of me for liking Gwar, but this band who is clearlt ripping them off is cool?”

      Which brings me to another whiteboy rap group that could be erased from existence and be worth the expense. See, if all of your songs are about one thing (no matter what that one thing is), than you have put yourself in a box limiting all other creativity. So on that note, Kottonmouth Kings can go directly to hell, without passing Go, and not collecting $200.

      1. Maybe I am in the minority here, but I see the spreading of acid and mescaline to the masses as a good thing.

        You have a point with the heroin. I have several friends who travelled with the dead, and when Jerry died, they couldn’t fill the hole, So, they resorted to heavier drug use.

    2. I had actually removed the existence of ICP from my brain.

      Haha on The Doors. Agree to disagree. I like them and do not want to have sex with Jim Morrison. I’ve always thought Danzig tried to sound like Morrison too much though.

      1. Actually… (music fact police)

        Both Morrison and Danzig tried to emulate Elvis and both missed the boat by a bit which made their styles similar by default.

        Which brings up a tangent to this thread. What would the world be like if Elvis just kept driving a truck? His impact was not only musical, but very social. He got white kids going into black neighborhoods looking for more music like that. It’s arguable that he sparked the whole civil rights movement. He also got teenagers talking (more) about sex. And then, he paved the way for just about every rock act since (which is damn near every rock act).

        This is the Butterfly Effect I speak of.

  6. Off to take my road test soon. It’s rainy in Los Angeles today, which means that other drivers will be suckier than usual. Hopefully I pass! Kindly send good vibes to LA if you have a moment.

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