In an effort to prevent his daughter from becoming a fan of the Los Angeles Lakers, ESPN columnist Bill Simmons resorted to lying to his daughter…and the lies were frickin’ hilarious! From the evil Kobe Bryant to the dog-hating Phil Jackson to the vampiric Pau Gasol…Simmons showed why he’s the most entertaining columnist in sports. Check it out:
The big strategic play? Lying. Sorry, I had to. This was important. I convinced her that the Lakers were bullies (she hates the concept of bullying; it drives her crazy in movies), that Kobe is a mean daddy to his young daughters and that Phil Jackson absolutely hates golden retrievers. Did I show her the Artest melee on YouTube, then point out Artest in a Lakers uniform and tell her that she couldn’t root for the Lakers because Artest might run into the stands and punch me during a game? Yes. Yes I did. The only time I screwed up? When I tried to convince her that Pau Gasol was a vampire — that made her like him more. (F***ing Edward. He swayed an entire generation of girls under 15.) Everything else worked. Everything. I killed off every possible Lakers chromosome.
I was actually reading this in bed, trying to sleep. Laughing out loud at this column delayed my slumber for an hour. Bill Simmons rules!!!
Lol that was funny. He hates Twilight like all grown men should.
I think that is hilarious, but they are one of the teams I don't like.
As a fellow Celtics fan, I approve.
I approve of the approval, I thought the Celts were going to lose last night.
What do you think of the Doc-Rivers-to-Miami rumors?
Personally I think he would be a better coach for the Heat than Spoelstra.
You hate Filipinos just like LeBron. I hope Pacquiao mugs you.
yes i hope Bobby Pacquiao mugs you too BSU. He can probably use the money.
haha, luckily for me I have no money for Pacquiao to take from me when he mugs me.
I just think that Spoelstra hasn't had enough experience as a head coach to handle three powerhouse players. Doc Rivers has had plenty of experience working with multiple powerhouse players, and I think that is the kind of coach that Miami has needed this whole time.
Frankly, I'd rather they just showed more Hockey highlights than engaging in 45 minutes of rampant speculation every SportCenter.
Hockey = ratings killer
People suck.