Welcome to Coffee Talk! Let’s start off the day by discussing whatever is on your (nerd chic) mind. Every morning I’ll kick off a discussion and I’m counting on you to participate in it. If you’re not feelin’ my topic, feel free to start a chat with your fellow readers and see where it takes you. Whether you’re talking about videogames, the brilliance of Chris Jericho, Mark McGwire’s return to baseball, or how important it is to cherish your loved ones while you still have time, Coffee Talk is the place to do it.
Today’s Coffee Talk is going to be a little different — it’s not going to be on gaming and it’s going to be a little more personal than usual. You see, on Sunday, I lost a dear friend to cancer. This is one of the most heartbreaking experiences of my life. I’m so sad that I won’t be able to talk to her, hear her laugh, travel with her, go to the boxing gym with her, or share a drink at our favorite coffeehouse. I’m trying to focus on all the wonderful things she brought to my life and remember all the excellent times we had. Two of the things that are helping me do this are Facebook and Twitter.
I know a lot of you hate one or both of these social networking services. That just seems silly to me. They’re tools. They’re as useful (or not) as you let them be. Facebook and Twitter have been amazing for helping me deal with the loss of Rannie. I’m happy to read people’s stories about her, see photos they’ve snapped of her over the years, and see people celebrating her life. Friends from all over America, Japan, Thailand, and several other countries have shared their thoughts on Rannie. These people have been using Facebook and Twitter in a beautiful way.
Sure, a lot of everyday tweets and status updates consist of people telling you what they had for lunch, someone claiming they have a brilliant article to share with you when it’s really a Rick roll, and other nonsense. That’s just people using these tools for frivolity, which is totally fine, but they can also be used for much more. You can use the same hammer to hilariously stub your friend’s toe or help build a house for a homeless family. Like Eric Clapton said, “It’s in the way that you use it.”
So I guess I’m asking and telling you a few things today. What are some useful ways that you use Facebook and Twitter? What do you think is missing from today’s social networking services? Most importantly, try to remember who and what is important to you, and cherish all of it, because life is short.
As a transplant on the west coast from the east coast, 99% of my friends on Facebook are people I know from back home. I miss them all terribly. I don't care about hearing what they had for lunch or that they're going to bed because if they were in the room next to me… we'd probably be talking about the same thing people rant about on Facebook or Twitter.
Seriously, every time I ask someone "What have you been up to", I get one of these answers (or some variety there of) :
1) Nothin'
2) Workin'
3) School
4) Chillin'
5) Parenting
…that's about it. People actually open up more on the internet than if I was standing next to them.
As for losing people close to us… I've already sent you my condolences Ray, and I'll send them again. I have no advice to give and I can only relate yet not understand what you're going through. Our relationships with each individual are unique and special. I can only relate and sympathize.
I lost my dad in Nov. of '06 and my best friend died in Aug. of '07. I got so mad when people would say "I know how you feel." The truth was… no, they didn't. No matter who they lost when, their relationship was unique and special as well. I'd be an ass to agree with them.
Life is special… and frail.
That is a tough pill to swallow Ray. I lost both of my parents about 8 months before Katrina. Takes a lot to move on.
My condolences.
@topic
I have a facebook account, but I never use it. I have a twitter account just so I can talk to Courtny Roby. He returns kicks for the Saints. I also have Ochocinco on my follow list. That is about it. Much like what N8R said, people give me one word answers when I ask them how they are doing in person…but if I ask them the same thing using iChat or something, they won't stop telling me everything.
@Death – Death is a bitch. I lost my dad a year and a half ago to liver failure. My mom was alone with him, her three children had scattered to the far reaches of the US, and she had to deal with his death first hand while we all rushed to be by her side. N8R's 100% right, no one knows how you feel because Death and the reaction to it are so different for everyone that goes throught it.
Death leaves a hole in you. A lot of people will tell you that the hole goes away, or fills up over time. It's a lie. It doesn't go away, nor fill up because there is nothing that can replace a person and the feelings they represent. The only thing I can say is that you get used to the hole being there. It becomes part of the landscape, a monument to what was and a constant reminder that you will never be like you were before the hole appeared. You'll continue to evolve, but you won't be the same.
My mom asked me about a month after my dad was gone "what am I supposed to do now?" I still don't know if the advice was any good, but I said "You live. The world is going to keep on going, the sun will rise, the wind will blow, the sun will set, and the moon will glow. Regardless of how you feel, you are going to wake up in the morning. Where you go from there… don't worry about that. Decide it when you get there. That moment, that single moment when you are thinking about your next step, that's the only thing we ever have." And that's all I am going to say about that.
@Larcenous
That is one of the hardest questions I have ever been asked. When my grandmother passed away, I went to go see my grandfather whom I was very close with. They had been married for over 40 years! He was sitting on his porch looking down and every now and then petting his dog. When I walked up, he asked me "What am I going to do without her?". I had no good answer to give. Completely chopped at the knees of question answering.
I feel so ashamed that I just patted him on the shoulder and was silent.
see now i feel like an ass, cause ive had a few good friends die, but nothing like was discussed above
ray, im sorry dude, cancer is a son of a bitch…my daughter was diagnosed at a month old, but she managed to work through it so far (3 years later, cancer free). I lived at the hospital in a pediatric cancer ward for 3 months. You wanna know what the biggest effect that had on me was? Im telling you anyways….It made me understand that if there is a god, that he has no say on what goes on down here. Im sitting here tearing up thinking about some of the kids in there…some of the strongest, most beautiful people that i will ever, ever know, most of them were under 5.
When people philosophize all existential, and ask themselves "why are we here?" "whats the meaning of life?"
i look at them like they are idiots, because the answer to those questions are so obvious to me
We are here to build relationships with each other, to love and to take care of one another. Life is short, and when you are sitting on your deathbed are you gonna sit there and think to yourself, "wow, i should have spent more time working"?
no, youll be grateful for the time you had with the people that you loved, youll wish you had shown the people you love how special they were more often. I know its cliche to say this, but every day im with my daughter i treat it like its the last, cause every day is like borrowed time to me
im not even sure that rant was relevant, its just what your story conjured up in me
once again, im sorry ray…i know ill most likely never meet some of you guys, but i consider most of you friends
not so fast smartguy….
@Smartguy – Yeah, I think the thing that hit me harder then loosing my dad was watching my mom fall apart. That was probably the hardest thing I have ever dealt with, because she was always the person that carried on, she was always the strong shoulder to lay your head on when you couldn't go any further. When she asked that, the answer I gave was a much longer and more rambling response then the one I reprinted (that was the gist of what I said though). Nothing had ever given me so much pause as that question, because she was the one that was supposed to tell me what to do, and I just don't think I really knew how devastated she was before that question.
We lost my grandmother, my mom's mom, two weeks after my dad. She was taken to the emergency room with chest pain, and my grandfather was next to her when she looked up and said that Louie, my dad, was in the door waiting to make sure she was safe. He told her that she didn't see anything cause she wasn't going anywhere, but she did.
In a strange irony that only death provides, my grandparents had picked out there burial spots nearly 10 years prior and had paid for them during a "grave sale" as it were. My grandmother, always looking to save those extra few cents lol. My dad took over my grandfather's spot because we couldn't afford to get a seperate one (Funeral Homes are by far the largest Bullshit business ever conceived. It is a 100% bonafide scam, and as a result I told my mom to burn my body and toss my ashes into a body of water to avoid giving those vultures a single cent again). My grandmother used her spot.
My grandfather never asked that question of my mom, or of anyone for that matter. My mom asked him. He said that he was going to buy his own plot and finish paying for it before he left to go find his grandmother. He said he didn't want my mom to have to pay to bury him too, so he was going to take care of it. They had been married 50 years, he was in his 80s. He said everything he had left was buried with his wife.
and about twitter and facebook
i dont have famous friends, i dont have a whole lot of friends, because i dont know that many positive people. Like you said, i dont care what anyone had for dinner or where they are tweeting from. I totally get twitter if you are famous, or have a ton of friends like ray does, but its absolutely useless to me. I told everyone who would listen how i would NEVER tweet, and i meant it.
I did end up lying though, because when g4 fired ray for no damn reason, i tweeted him. I may come off as a smartass, but i really do care about the people i like, and im glad that everyone made ray aware that he WAS the feed to alot of us, and im glad he gave us this, so we could continue what we started there
@positive – have to change things up before I completely fall apart for what would seem like no reason at work.
Beat Uncharted 2 yesterday. Hot damn. Can't wait to go through it again and start collecting stuff, trophies and the like. Excellent game, I think Naughty Dog really outdid themselves with that one. Been having a lot of fun with the multiplayer too.
@social networking – I have a twitter account so I can randomly tweet weird observations and send thoughts to others. I don't have facebook or myspace, mainly because I have taken an absurd stance that I want to stay off the grid as much as possible. I spend enough time hitting the few sites I post on anyway… I don't need something else to check. It's will probably happen though… eventually… bastard technology.
@larcenous
im am in total agreement with you on the facebook, i will eventually have one as well, as much as i hate to admit it
im sorry for the loss rpad. never had a friend who passed away yet. and all of my "true friends" are back in the philippines. the friends whom i grew up with, and hung out with for 7 years. and its been a year and 10 months since i saw them. we communicate through facebook, but nothing beats the joy of companionship. im 19 years old, but i know what a loss of someone you truly love and care feels like. my grandmother died in my arms 2 years ago thanks to cancer that spread to her lungs. she was one of the closest family members i ever had. It was one of the most painful losses i had to cope up with. Cancer gets the best of us man. It brings out the horrors in our lives. death is inevitable, and we just have to face the facts that if it is our time to go, it is our time to go. :'(
My heart goes out to ya, Ray.
@THundercracker
Fine, I will slow it down.
Question: Anyone on here getting DJ Hero?
@ Ray – I'm sorry for your loss
On the topic of social networking I do have a facebook account. I probably have about 300 friends and the only people in my life who are really important to me are still in it. my biggest frustration is when an old friend sends me a request and that's it. never an email "how are you, what's up.. anything.. I think a lot of people got facebook and said, oh ya I met that guy once so we should be friends. I never tweet dinner but I post things like when I'm excited about the Broncos game or if I want to share a funny article, video or picture. but mostly I can't stand reading other people's updates. my least favorite update is when people lay their relationship troubles out for everyone to see "How could Jimmy do this to me my heart is shattered" lol, I just get a laugh out of it.
On Twitter. I follow some famous people like Rainn Wilson from the office. I don't personally tweet myself because I don't have anything important to say. but I like to hear what's going on in some famous lives
@smartguy
i was making a joke up there, nevermind
@Smartguy – DJ hero is probably the last game I'd get this year.
The Guitar Hero thing was a cool niche cause I know a lot of people that wished they could play the guitar or be in a band. but not many kids have DJ dreams when they're little and also If I wanted to pretend like I was at a downtown club while sitting in my living room I'd probably just puke cause that would be more fun
dj hero might be cool if you were constantly taking ecstacy
I use twiter to keep up with people and news. However, I just removed Xplay and thefeed for posting MW2 spoilers.
DJ Hero might be cool if you put strobe lights in your house and have a seizure
@DJHero – played it at Best Buy. Was pretty neat, but wife had more fun with it then I did. I would buy it, but I'm not going to drop $120 on something that I am only slighty excited about. My roommate mainly brings home all the music games anyway, so I don't doubt that we'll have it at some point. The music for it is pretty cool though.
Side note to music games – preordered GH5 and sent in the receipt when we got it for the GH:Van Halen deal. It actually came in the mail last night. Glad we got it for free, cause while the song selection is alright, it would not have been worth the same $60 that GH: Metallica was. Probably just crazy love of metal though winning out. Guitar solos are most likely far out on Van Halen… I'll let you know when we check it out.
@Thundercracker
Sorry it is early still and I'm studying / looking at Ray's blog. By the way, good job putting Carolina even lower.
I am not getting DJ Hero. Just curious since Activision is flooding the market with these games right now. GH5, DJ Hero, and Band Hero very soon. Bobby Kotick sees a horse, kills it, and then beats the ever living hell out of it. I guess the idea is that with two guitar games out he can outsell RB and then pick up people who are bored with band games with DJ Hero. Creating market saturation is piss poor as opposed to creating a market equilibrium. I bet this guy wants to make the next CoD game a subscription game. I think the writing is on the wall with what they are doing to the PC release of MW2. Next time, pay activision to play.
also DJ Hero will probably mean I can't go to Bestbuy on a friday night after dinner anymore. The damn kids will be there in full force for that crap for a good while. I would beat the person with a rubber hose who thought it was a good idea to put a pizza parlor, a movie theater and bestbuy next to one another.
@R-Pad: My condolences. I lost both of my Grandfathers to cancer, and it's quite possibly the worst thing to watch someone you love go through. When the end feels like a blessing, you know that it's been a horrible experience.
Much Like N8R, I'm an East Coast transplant living on the West Coast now, and Facebook and Twitter have helped me reconnect with old friends I'd lost touch with over the years. They also help me market the website I write for to a certain extent. So I personally really like both.
@smartguy
beating the carolina panthers is like beating ghandi in a pie eating contest
@Thundercracker
Don't diminish your victory. They deserved it. I would so beat Ghandi in a pie eating contest. Unless it was lemon meringue or pumpkin. He'd rule me. On any giving Pie eating contest….
i loved seeing reggie doing his thing, give the man more touches!!!!!!
that Dolphins Saints game had quite the crazy finale. This is the first time in the history of the NFL 3 teams are undefeated at week 7. pretty cool
18 feet! I couldn't do that if I was being chased down by a bear.
So EA sent me a 25% off coupon for my birthday (today) to use at the EA Online Store. While I think this is totally awesome, I'm worried that the machines are becoming aware. If Schwarzenegger shows up at my door saying, "Come with me if you want to live," I'm going.
If there is one thing that movies have taught me, is that when Arnold says get to the choppa, you get to the mf'n choppa. The world is heading one of two ways, zombie apocalypse or Skynet takeover. I think I need to start working out now…
My condolences, Mr. Padilla. I too, lost a friend with cancer after he just turned 30. Crazy shit. It makes you reassess what is really important in life, doesn't it?
-M
When my older brother died 2 years ago this November at 28, a girl contacted me on MySpace saying how sorry she was. Then she told that my brother had met her once before and that she was my sister from one of my father's flings. Sure enough I confronted my dad and she is.
five or six years ago I lost my aunt to a drunk driver who crossed the center line, any death other than of old age is awful. It was hard for a lot of people in my family, her two sons are only a few years older than I am, and my grandparents had to go through losing a child. but it hit me really hard because I spent a week at her house just before she died, and while I was there I never really tried too hard to spend time with her, I was too busy doing other things and I didn't think too much about it, until she died 5 days after I left.
That pain sticks with me every time I think about soccer (I was at her house to go to a soccer camp near her house). And the pain never really went away completely, but it taught me to take advantage of any time that I have with someone. And that's all I can say is to just not forget what we learn while making our way through life, however long or short it may be.
Thanks everyone! Whether it's words of encouragement, sharing stories, and just explaining how you feel, today's Coffee Talk is my group therapy session. Ha! I really appreciate it all.
@ Shockwave
On the positive note…
There's an awesome reason why it's not 4 teams going in to Week 7 undefeated.
*waives Terrible Towel
Sorry to hear about your friend :(
This year seems to have been especially chaotic in matters of life and death.
I've had the same friends FOREVER. I think I've known one of my friends for about 16 years now and the next 3 oldest friends for 15 and 14 years. Friends from elementary school, middle school and high school. We've always been a REALLY tight knit bunch. After high school tho everyone inevitably had to go their separate ways. One guy and girl got married and since he joined the Marines they ended up half way across the country. One friend move clear across to the other side of Texas (which is the equivalent of across 4 other states) and 2 other friends moved half way across Texas for other colleges (and I eventually joined one of them), 3 friends randomly up and moved to Virgina….
Point is, suddenly very few of our tight knit group was left in Houston. Initially by the power of MySpace and now by the power of Facebook we still talk to each other easily and all the time. We can coordinate or visits home on the fly so that we can see each other occasionally. We can joke around a lot like we always did despite hundreds or thousands of miles between us. We can keep up with each other's major events….
Facebook is one of the top 10 or so reasons I love the internet.
I love twitter. One thingit is good for is letting athletes have a connection with the fan that had totally been gone before because the $$$ they make priced them out of living in the sameneighborhoods as fans, and PR men have made locker room interviews so bland so as to be worthless. But getting to talk to a Paul Williams or Ochocinco and also seeing Ochocinco's awesome process of turning himself into a formidable brand — for a sports junkie like me it allows palyers to be accessible on even terms with their fans. That and News is broken very quickly and that is so important for Sunday betting.
So, hmm, I guess that is frivolity.
I guess the best thing to really say about both of them is that they allow you an opportunity reconnect with people who are not in your life currently, but who you have mussed. That has its good and bad as well. My FB is down because of a really uncomfortable scenario with an ex GF, and I'm trying to figure out the privacy settings I'd like to ensure prospective employers don't learn too much about me right now.
Overall there is good and bad, obviously in all of them. I mean, FB has mafia wars too and that's cool.
But I also do genuinely think that FB can be another responsibility. In the month or so I was on there I got a number of pissed people saying "why didn't you comment back to me" or some stuff. I think that people who use it heavily need to understand that some people won't install it on their mobiles or be accessible through it 24/7. It's why I have a landline for my serious calls. If people need me, that's the phone I feel ultimately responsible for.
but after that it's cel phone, email, then twitter.
I don't want to be shackled by other peoples' facebook expecations.
Wow, that's a lot to say about really nothing.
What's not nothing is that I'm sorry about your loss, man. I know she meant the world to you even way back in the day. Hang in there and do what you are doing, find people with whom you share common knowledge and with whom you can celebrate her life.
Sorry to hear about your loss Ray, things happen that we can't control. You can either take nothing from it or learn valuable lessons. Time is something we waste everyday, we don't really notice it until we want more of it. You are a good guy, she was lucky to have a friend like you. I had a friend of mine who passed a little bit more than a year ago from Leukemia, He was on myspace and facebook and even if I couldn't talk to him in person it was always good to be able to leave him some words of encouragement. Just keep your head up man.
Sorry to be off topic be this is such an epic win I had to share it with the world(aka you guys)
http://www.ocregister.com/photos/says-dogs-dog-18…